Captain Procrastination: Close Call

Our hero had spent all day trying to convince the people of his fair city that the Multi-Tasker was evil, but nobody would listen to him (Actually, all he did was tell his mom to send out an email to everyone in his address book. The rest of the day was spent watching porn). Since nothing had come from that, he decided that he had to take matters into his own hands. Over and over in his head, he thought about what he wanted to do, hoping that it would bring this whole thing to its conclusion. The further he got into his thoughts, he happier he was, which led to a swelling of his pride.

Suddenly, just as he was about to burst with joy, a loud pounding shook his door. “Turn that shit down, pervert,” his step-father yelled. “Do you honestly think I don’t know what you’re doing in there? You know, if you’d get out of the house and meet real women, you wouldn’t need to spank it all the time!”

Captain Procrastination shook his head, knowing that the moment was lost. It could’ve been worse, he thought. His mom would’ve just walked into the room, and that would’ve been traumatizing for everyone.