I Need to Wash My Brain

A few years ago (6 to be exact), I put up a story about a woman I used to work with that I called TMI Lady because of her habit of telling people a lot of personal things in her life that she should’ve kept to herself.

A few weeks ago, I told you about a guy I currently work with who believes he’s an outdoorsman because a Facebook quiz told him he was a redneck and he watched hunting videos.

I’m starting to think these two people are related in some way because he’s started telling me things about himself, and his personal life, that I never wanted to know and shouldn’t be told to anyone else. Not only did he tell me, I heard him telling other people (who looked just as disturbed as I was) these things as well. Normally, I don’t believe in inflicting discomfort on others, but in this case since I had to hear this crap, I’m forwarding the TMI to you all too.

In the past few weeks, he’s told me the following:

* He and his newlywed wife haven’t had sex in over two weeks.

* When they do have sex, because they are religious and don’t believe in using condoms, their preferred method of birth control is pulling out.

* On their honeymoon, he injured his neck somehow, so he bought his wife a vibrator to use if his neck was hurting too badly to perform his duties.

* He was going to an interview for a second job straight from clocking out at our place of employment. He told me he wasn’t going to poop until after it was over because he’s a bigger guy, which means he sometimes has problems completely wiping his butt, and he didn’t want to go to his interview smelling like crap.

None of that was anything I wanted to hear. I tried walking away when he was telling me these things, but he kept following me. I’m also still new enough at my job that being openly rude to someone (by telling them to shut the hell up) could end up biting me in the behind.

The End

He pecked at his keyboard furiously. You’d think with as much as he wrote, he’d be better at typing than he was, but he was still terrible. It didn’t matter. He had to get the rest out before he lost it. There were only fifty more words to go.

These were the finishing touches to a month long writing exercise that he wasn’t sure he’d finish. Now that he was close, he wanted to get it done quickly. He wanted to go out on a high note. Was this it? Was this right? Did this really work?

The end.

Song Lyric Stories- Fade In/Fade Out

This episode of SLS is a little different than the previous ones. This time, I picked the lyrics myself instead of being prompted by one of my awesome readers. I’ll get back to the prompts next time, but I had a month’s worth of posts to write, so I changed it up a little bit with some lyrics from a Nothing More song.

“I have watched you fade in, you will watch me fade out. When the grip leaves my hand, I know you won’t let me down.” Nothing More – Fade In/Fade Out

“I’ve done it, Father,” he announced as he strolled into the throne room triumphantly. “I have led our army to victory against the Awntish.”

He knew that runners had already beaten him back to the castle with the news, but he enjoyed making a grand entrance because it embarrassed his dad. Despite being mid-day, however, his father’s throne was empty. Surprised, he looked around for someone to ask what was going on. His father’s steward entered the room, saw who had made the noise, ran up to him, and bowed. “Prince Wellton,” the steward began.

“Where is he?” Wellton interrupted.

“Your Highness, you may want to prepare yourself…”

“Where is he?” Wellton yelled.

“In his bedchamber.”

Wellton rushed out of the room and ran to his father’s bedchamber. When he got there, his father was in his bed, surrounded by healers. They scrambled to get out of his way as he approached. His heart broke when he was finally close enough to see his father’s condition. The king was rail thin, pale, and appeared to be incredibly weak. Wellton wrapped his hand around his father’s, but made sure to be careful. He was afraid that if he squeezed at all, he may break bones.

“Father,” he said with tears running down his cheeks. “What’s wrong with you?”

The king opened his eyes, saw his son by his bedside, and smiled, revealing wrinkles that Wellton hadn’t seen before. “I got old,” the king chuckled before having a coughing fit.

“I wasn’t gone that long.”

“I’ve been old for a long time now. You just never noticed it before. When you’re with someone every day, you don’t see how they change over time. It wasn’t until you were away from me that you saw it.”

Wellton shook his head in denial. “Why haven’t the healers cured you yet?”

“There is no cure, magical or otherwise, for time. It’s a foe none of us can defeat.”

More tears flowed. Wellton knew his father had given up and was just waiting on death to claim him. “What will I do without you?”

“You will do what you’ve always done,” the king responded in a voice continuously growing weaker. “You will protect our kingdom from invaders, just like you did against the Awntish. You will be a fair and just king, just as you were a fair and just prince. You will be a good husband to your wife and a good father to my granddaughter, and any other child you may have after I’m gone.”

“I don’t know if I can do all that without you here to guide me.”

With a squeeze of his hand, the king whispered, “I know you can.”

Wellton felt his father’s hand go limp. He looked into the king’s eyes, but there was no life left in them. His father, the king, was gone. He began sobbing uncontrollably. The healers hurried to get out of the room, leaving the prince to his grief. Once they were gone, Wellton brought his father’s hand up to his lips and kissed it. “I won’t let you down, Father. I promise.”

Spread the Love – Part 44 1/4

Today, instead of reading my (usually) nonsensical words, you should head on over and enjoy the ramblings of everyone’s favorite Bell Desk employee, The Hook. He’s real. He’s funny. And he’s so full of pop culture references that he sweats them out of his pores.

Check out how great his writing is by clicking here. And, if you liked that, imagine it in book form. What’s that? You don’t have to imagine it? It’s already in book form? Awesome! You can get it here and help support the writing dreams of one of my favorite bloggers, The Hook.

Uhh… Fire

“Uhh, dude, your hand’s on fire.”

The man with the burning fingers did nothing to quell the flames. Instead, he grinned. “That’s nothing,” he said. “Watch this.”

The flames suddenly expanded. They rose up and began dancing around his arm. Suddenly, they covered the man’s entire body. Then, the fire just disappeared. The man grabbed the bottle of water and his change off the counter. “Thanks, buddy.”

The gas station attendant didn’t respond, just watched him leave in a stupor. When he turned back around, he was even more perplexed. His cash drawer was still open…and empty.

Superband

One of the guys I work with posed a question to me. He said it was to get to know me a little better. I don’t know if the answer would help him know me better as a person, but it might help him know my musical taste a little better. The question was this, “If you could form your own superband out of members of other bands, who would you choose? Limit ten members.”

It’s actually an interesting question. There are many musicians and singers out there that I really like. Narrowing it down to less than ten is a daunting task. I gave it some thought and this is what I came up with. Remember: these picks are just my personal preferences. I’m not saying anyone on this list is better than anyone else.

Bass guitar: Flea – Red Hot Chili Peppers – Now, I don’t even like the Chili Peppers, but I give credit where credit is due. Flea is a hell of a bass player. Plus, he was in the Back to the Future movies, which gives him an added dimension of cool.

Drums: Shannon Larkin – Godsmack – Not only does he kick ass on the drums with Godsmack, but he also has a side project playing with a blues band, so he’s versatile.

Rhythm Guitar/Backing Vocals: Shaun Morgan – Seether – I have pretty much liked everything that Seether has put out and Shaun is a big reason why. I know he’s the lead singer in his band, but in this one he’s just providing backing vocals.

Lead Guitar: Aaron Fink – Breaking Benjamin – Well, he’s the original lead guitarist for Breaking Benjamin. He was with them for their first four albums which were, in my opinion, their best albums.

Keyboards/ Rapping Vocals: Mike Shinoda – Linkin Park – Not sure how much rapping I want my superband to do, but maybe I’ll have some. Either way, I needed someone who could play the keyboard so I figured I’d pick someone who could do both. Plus, I do like some of Shinoda’s solo stuff.

Female Vocals: Sharon den Adel – Within Temptation – Put simply, this woman has the best voice I think I’ve ever heard. She can sing anything: rock, pop, even opera. Don’t believe me? Listen to this song, which is a little bit of rock and opera together.

Lead Vocals: Brandon Johnson – Late Night Savior – This was the hardest one for me because there’s so many good vocalists out there. I ended up picking Brandon for this spot because there’s just something about his voice, the way he sings, that resonates with me.

That’s all I got. I know I still have three spots left, but I’m OK with that. If I were to fill them, I’d do it with a string trio. Put a little violin/cello/viola behind it. I don’t know anyone who plays those instruments, or which of those particular musicians is good, so I’ll just leave it at that.

What about you? Do you know who you would pick to to build your own superband?

Space Battle

He put full power to his engines, but the missile was still gaining on him. His fighter juked left and right, up and down. The missile stayed with him. He was running out of time. If he didn’t do something soon, he was dead. Out of desperation, he killed his engine and steered the fighter straight down. The missile passed him by, but began to turn to reacquire his ship.

The maneuver may have worked against the missile, but it also put him right in the path of an enemy fighter. Could he pull up in time?