The Wind Howled

She lowered her head against the heavy breeze. Her hair was flying in every direction. Of course, this had to be the day she was running late. She didn’t have a hair tie or a brush with her. The wind howled, sending her hair flying again.

It was a relief when she stepped inside the restaurant. Looking around, she saw that he was seated already. “I’m sorry,” she said as she sat down. “My hair is a mess.”

He took her face in his hands and brought her in for a passionate kiss. “I think you’ve never looked better.”

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Torn Up

I ran.

I do that a lot. Like this time, most of these runs were because I was being chased. I’m not a fan of these excursions. They’re becoming tiresome.

I can hear you through the screen. You’re asking why I’m being chased. The answer is simple. Jealousy is running rampant throughout the galaxy.

When you’re as great as I am, these things are bound to happen.

Roll of the Eyes

“It’s freezing in this store,” she mumbled.

She felt someone step up beside her. It was a man she had seen before. “You can’t be freezing, baby,” he said, “because you’re too hot.”

Her reaction was an immediate roll of the eyes. It wasn’t the first time he’d said something like that to her and she knew it wouldn’t be the last. “You’re a fool,” she told him.

“Yeah, but you married me. What does that make you?”

She smiled. “A fool’s wife.”

The Enemy

He swung at his opponent, but it was so dark he couldn’t see. His hand didn’t hit its target. It hit something, but not what he was aiming for. From the sound of it, it was a piece of wood. Pain shot up his arm and he cursed aloud. The enemy just kept going, taunting him with every passing second.

Finally, he reached his other hand out, turned the light on, and opened his eyes fully.

“Damn you, alarm clock,” he muttered as he turned it off.

Close the Door

Onward, they ran. They ran until their lungs hurt and then they ran some more. Then, they turned toward a house instead of staying on the open street. The door was locked. That barely slowed them. They kicked it open at the same time.

Behind them, they heard the pursuit. Thinking to be safe from it for a moment, they tried to shut the door back. It didn’t work. They had broken it when they kicked it open.

It wasn’t until he felt the Smoker’s tongue wrap around him that he realized their mistake.

Taken Seriously

He had seen the memes all over Facebook. They were kind of funny. They certainly weren’t as bad as most of them out there. But, it was never anything that he would’ve ever put some serious thought into.

Until today.

There was one guy at his job that made him think that the meme should indeed be taken seriously. He knew it wasn’t a good idea, but he couldn’t stop himself.

He did it.

He participated in the only recognized, in his mind anyway, National Slap an Annoying Coworker Day.

Smoker’s Alley Comics

A long time ago, in a galaxy that we’re living in, I used to draw comic books. Granted, none of them looked very good. My artistic skills are virtually nonexistent. In truth, they probably would have looked better as stick figures. But, I digest…

When I first started this, I drew them for my coworkers. My original series was started back when I worked in fast food right after high school. It was entitled “The Misadventures of the Roast Beef Workers” (I bet you’ll never be able to guess which fast food restaurant I was working at). I honestly don’t remember much about this one other than the premise of one of the stories. In it, someone pulled the fire alarm and the combination of the fire extinguisher system and the oil in the fryers (which hadn’t been changed in years) caused the food inside of it to come to life. The roast beef workers were forced to fight off walking French fries and chicken tenders.

My second foray into comics was when I worked at Hellmart. This one was entitled “The Misadventures of the Retail Bitchboys” and centered around myself and my coworkers. A few of my coworkers liked it so much that I did a spinoff of it just for them. It was called the “TP Task Force”, where I turned them into a cult that worshipped soft toilet paper. Surprisingly, only one of them took offense to this.

Both of these series were done in the style of Airplane/Mel Brooks movies. It was mostly jokes over top of goofy stories. There were also a lot of jokes thrown in about the horrible art that graced the pages. All in all, they were just me goofing around.

I “published” these books under the name Smoker’s Alley Comics. I don’t remember where the name came from. The only thing I can think of is that I was a smoker at the time. Still, Marvel and DC always had their logo or name somewhere on the cover, so I thought that I should too.

While I had plenty of ideas for new comics for Smoker’s Alley to do, the only one I ever actually drew out was a mini series about an ice powered hero named Freezer Burn. His powers weren’t very original (basically he was Iceman) and, as I learned a few months ago when I looked it up, neither was his name. But, I did like the story, so I have had thoughts about retooling it.

I used to dream about Smoker’s Alley becoming big time. I wanted to turn my stories, like Dead Set or Haunted Angel (a spinoff of Dead Set that explores what happens to Father Michaels after he leaves the pages of Dead Set), into comic books and have them be hits. I hoped that I would be able to find an artist that could put the images I had in my head on paper.

But, alas, I never found my artist. Not that it would have mattered. I knew absolutely nothing about how to go about actually publishing a comic book. Hell, I still don’t. Plus, I wouldn’t have had the money to pay for the printing anyway.

Over the life of this blog, I’ve thought about reviving Smoker’s Alley Comics on here. I’ve thought about actually taking the time to draw out a retooled version of my Freezer Burn story (and obviously giving him a new name). I’ve thought about drawing out a story that I have come up with for my character DICO (Unlike those I’ve posted on this blog, this DICO story would obviously be serious. Well, as serious as it can possibly be when DICO’s superpower is the ability to be able to throw his nipples at people.).

There are reasons that I haven’t done so yet. First and foremost, my drawings would offend actual artists. Yes, they’re that bad.

Second, I’m not sure how I’d be able to do it. Would I hand draw them and then scan them? Would I try to draw them on the computer? Would I be able to fit an entire issue worth of pages into a single post on here? If not, how would I get the issue to the people that want to read it? Would I be able to get them into a file small enough for me to email them?

See? The logistics of it all is baffling.

Once this post a day month is over, I might have the time to attempt this, if enough of you actually want me to do it. Although, if you have any suggestions about how to get this out there, I’m willing to listen.

P.S. Before any of you ask: No, I don’t have any of the old comics that I drew. They got lost or thrown away during one of my many moves since then.