RTotD: 3/2

It’s that time again, everyone. It’s time for you to take a brief step into my brain. I promise to try and make it as painless as possible, but I guarantee nothing. If you start to experience any side effects, please consult your doctor immediately. We here at Stuphblog take no responsibility for it if you do. After all, it’s not our fault you’re intolerant of the 33 grams of awesome I bring…..or something.

  1. Political bumper stickers are about the most useless things ever. They don’t change anyone’s mind or make people want to vote. The only thing they do is make the car owner look stupid. Even if your side wins, after the election is over you’re stuck with an idiotic sticker on your car for the rest of its life.
  2. When did everyone become so obsessed with getting organized? All anyone is talking about anymore is totes. They’re only like $5 at the store. Just buy some and shut up about them already. And who the hell is Totes McGotes? Is he Rubbermaid’s new mascot or something?
  3. While on the local news website the other day, I saw this headline: Horse shot dead in Mason County. I have three things to say about that: One, I hope the person who did this gets kicked in the head repeatedly by the next horse that they are near. Two, why is this news? And three, why was this number six on their top ten list of most popular stories?
  4. Weren’t Flo’s 15 minutes of fame over with 15 minutes ago? What’s it going to take to get rid of this bitch finally?
  5. I like the way that children’s networks are set up. They play the entire episode, then play all of their commercials in between them. If only all TV networks worked this way.
  6. Before any of you go trying to explain number 2 to me, I know what totes means. I was just being a smartass. If you try to be a smartass and explain it to me anyways, I’ll find out where you live and put a political bumper sticker on your car. If you don’t have a car, I’ll put it on your forehead instead.

There you have it folks. The randomness that’s in my head is now spreading throughout the blogosphere. Unfortunately, there is no known cure yet.

They Don’t Like Me

I know I haven’t been on here very much lately, but I have a good excuse: I think the machines are out to get me.

For the past few weeks, it seems like everything that has wiring in it has either worked against me, or broken down. In the case of the radios I deal with at work every day, it’s both.

First, it was the shit covered radio. As an update, I will tell you that the radio was sent back to them, but only after my boss was unable to get ahold of the dealership’s parts manager on the phone.

(Mini Rant: I have no idea why they bothered to call the parts manager. I’m not sure what they thought he, or she, could possibly say that would make it acceptable to receive a radio covered in animal shit.)

Second, my car died. Last week, when the temperature around here dropped down into the negatives, I went outside to start it and it was dead. I thought it was just the extreme cold that was causing it to not start because it started right up when I jumped it. Nope. The battery was screwed. It wouldn’t hold a charge. It then took two attempts to get a battery that actually worked. Oy vey.

Third, my computer crashed. Windows apparently had a sudden disagreement with it. Personally, I think it’s because I have a picture of Baby E as my wallpaper and Windows got jealous. It knows it will never reach that level of perfection.

Twindaddy was able to get my computer working again (I knew having him for a brother would pay off eventually), which is a good thing because typing on a laptop is a pain in the ass. I’m not the best typist in the world to begin with, so shrinking the keyboard doesn’t do me any favors. Granted, it’s better than nothing, but I’d still much rather be doing my posting from my PC.

Finally, one of the joysticks on my Xbox controller is starting to stick. I know that’s nothing major, but it’s still an annoyance that goes towards my “the machines hate me” theory.

I’m not sure what I did to the machines to make them start targeting me. Maybe they know that I’m a fan of the Terminator movies, which always end with the machines losing. Or maybe the machines are just pissed because they know I’m so much cooler than they are. Perhaps it’s something else altogether. Whatever the case is, it needs to stop. It’s getting old.

Expecting Company

When I worked at Wal-Mart, it seemed like every other month that management was coming up to us, saying that we had company coming. The company was always someone from Home Office or was a Regional Manager, or someone a lot more important than anyone who worked in our store. Our store’s managers would freak out. They’d make everyone work harder, doing things the right way (which they should’ve been done all along, but it only mattered when company was coming). By the time we were finished, everyone would be stressed out and ready to snap.

Nine times out of ten, the company would end up not coming, making all of that work in vain. The one time out of ten that they actually showed up, they usually went straight to the offices in the back. Rarely did they ever leave them. That meant that they spent little to no time out on the sales floor. That also led to all of that work being in vain.
Continue reading

Letter To The President

Dear Gordon Gee (President of Ohio State University),

I am a lifelong Ohio State fan. I have loved your university for as long as I can remember. I’ve stuck by it through good times, and bad. Now, you’ve come along and made all of the people who are fans of your university look like crap because you opened your mouth. Let me give you a piece of advice: Continue reading

I Could Never Be Famous

I’ve seen quite a few posts by fellow bloggers recently taking about fame or being famous. Personally, I don’t see how anyone can handle fame nowadays in our 24/7 tabloid, “I’ve got to know everything about my favorite celebrity” culture. I don’t get the facination with celebrities in the first place. They’re just regular people who just have much cooler jobs than the rest of us. That’s it. That doesn’t make them better, or more interesting, than you or me.

When I was a kid, I used to dream about becoming famous: being a rock star, bursting onto the scene as the next big superstar athelete, or starring in hundreds of movies. It was so much simpler back then. Sure, there were scandals, but nowhere near to the level that they are now. I’m expecting E! to break into regularly scheduled programming the next time a celebrity wears sweatpants while out jogging.

(On a side note: Why does Joan Rivers have a fashion show? Who thought this was a good idea? Why does anyone care what she has to say about anything? And why should anyone take appearance advice from someone who has more plastic in her face than Barbie?)

If I were given the opportunity to star in a movie now, though, I don’t know if I would take it. Well, I’d probably take it, I just don’t know if I could handle it if the movie did well and launched me into stardom. I don’t think I’d be able to tolerate all of those reporters and their stupid questions. My family is not known for its tolerance of stupidity, so I’d probably get in trouble with the movie studio when I went on the promotional tour.

If I were a celebrity, and was asked a question about my work (if I was an actor, a question about my movies, or if I was a musician, a question about my music) I’d have no problem answering those. I’d probably enjoy it. Once I got asked questions that I thought were stupid, though, I’d give them a 4 word response every time, “Fuck you. Next question.”

This would probably not go over too well with the studio. They’d want me to act nice and polite. I wouldn’t do that, however. I’d give the reporters exactly what they give me. If they give me nice, polite, smart questions, I’d give them nice, polite, smart answers. If they give me anything else, I’d give them as much grief as I possible could.

The Ohio State Disaster

I haven’t said a lot on here about what has been happening in Columbus lately. In fact, I haven’t said anything on here in a long time. Now that most of what happened at Ohio State has come out, I think it’s time for me to comment on it.

1. Terelle Pryor – I don’t know what else to say except that he’s an idiot. I know it’s hard to be a student athlete. Sure, you get a free education, but the NCAA won’t let you get a job for spending money. That being said, it doesn’t excuse him for breaking the rules. I know that this kind of thing happens on every campus, but that still doesn’t make what he did right. There’s never a good reason to screw over your entire school. As for his future, I don’t see him making it as an NFL quarterback. He was a decent college quarterback, but unless he can learn to throw the ball better, he’ll never make it in the pros.

2. Jim Tressel – He’s an even bigger idiot. Unlike the 18-20 year olds that he coaches, he knows better and even though he knows better, he still lied to the NCAA. He was a great coach, but when you know about something that can derail your entire program, you have to come forward. Protecting your quarterback isn’t worth facing the possibility of losing scholarships and being banned from bowls. Thanks for the National Championship, Jim. Get out.

3. The other players – Pryor wasn’t alone in breaking the rules, but he broke more than the other 4. They are apparently staying in school, but I say they should join Pryor in leaving. They’re suspended for half the season anyway, why not leave now? I know that may sound harsh, but I don’t like anyone or anything that makes my school look bad.

4. Luke Fickell – I don’t know a lot about their interim coach other than he played at OSU and he’s been on the staff for a long time. Since the announcement that he would be taking over, former players have been coming out and saying how great of a coach he is. I hope they’re right.

That’s all for now. I’m sure more will come out about it, but I’ll have to wait until then to say anything about it.

Another reason to hate LeBron

I really don’t care about the NBA. I’ll watch the highlights on Sportscenter, but that’s usually about it. Sometimes things happen that I’ll like or dislike. For the most part, though, I don’t find myself talking about the NBA or any of it’s players. While watching ESPN earlier, I saw LeBron James say something that I thought was so stupid, I just had to say something about it.

During a postgame interview, James said that he and his teammates call themselves the “Heatles”. That’s right. The “Heatles”. Not only is that a ridiculously lame play on words, I feel like now I have to quote the high school principal from Billy Madison. “We’re all stupider now for having heard that.”

I am not a Beatles fan. In fact, I really don’t like their music, but I give respect where respect is due. The Beatles changed music. Every band/musician out there is influenced either by the Beatles or musicians that were influenced by the Beatles. They are the most recognizable band in the world, and they haven’t been together in 35 years or so. Their music defined their generation. No other group has done what the Beatles have done. The only band that came close is Nirvana, and they might’ve done it if Cobain hadn’t died. When people think of the Beatles, they think one thing: “greatest band of all time”.

If you take what the Beatles have done and compare it to what the Heat has done, it’s not even close. Maybe, sometime in the future, if they win a few championships, we might start putting them on the list for the greatest basketball team of all time, but it still wouldn’t be equal to what the Beatles did. The Beatles not only changed music, they changed the world. The Heat could possibly change the way we view basketball, but they’re not going to change the way we look at the world. So far, the only thing LeBron has changed is how the people of Cleveland, and most of America, sees him. He used to be seen as a great player. Now he’s seen as douchebag who pissed on the people who loved him. All he’s done is shown his true colors. He left Cleveland because he couldn’t handle the pressure of carrying a team, so he went to a place where he didn’t have to. He came out with a commercial trying to tell the people he wasn’t the bad guy. If you have to tell people that you’re not the bad guy….you’re the bad guy.

I’m not from Cleveland, and I don’t pay all that much attention to basketball. If I can see this without paying much attention, imagine what I’d be able to say if I did.