Either/Or

I titled the post that because I wasn’t sure what I should call it. I was torn between two options. It was either going to be called “A Conversation That Shows How Our Minds Work”, or “Proof That Our Minds Don’t Work”. I’ll let you decide.

(Actual lines of email from between Matticus and myself)

Matticus: Flog some Molly, my friend!  They are a lot of fun.  Catching tunes.  Upbeat… in the same vein as The Offspring in some aspects… Kind of punk, kind of pop, … good strong guitar riffs, with the added bonus of an Irish vocalist.  Anyway, I think you’d like them.  Some of their stuff is available on Prime Music if you have that… 

Revis: Who’s Molly and why are they flogging her? And why are they breaking Benjamin too?

M: And what did Ben fold five of?

R: Why are they dropkicking Murphys?

M: I really don’t know. I don’t know why those Lips are Flaming either… 

R: It is a mystery. Just like who exactly it was that God smacked.

M: I will admit, I have always wanted to know the answer to that. Also, I wish I knew what Foo was, and if they had their own Fighters or there were Fighters going after the Foo…

R: According to Robot Chicken ‘Foo’ is anyone that Mr. T called a fool. As in, ,’I pity the foo!” So Grohl and Co. went around beating up anyone who Mr. T said that to. It ended with Mr. T calling himself a fool and the Foo fighters kicking his ass.

I’m still wondering how the Leppard became Def.

M:I hadn’t heard that before!  It’s brilliant!!

And, that poor Leppard.  These things happen sometimes…  Life can be cruel… 

Like… why did all those kids going around Smashing Pumpkins?

R: Damn kids…

And how does one Pilot a Stone Temple?

M: That is a fine question… I … I don’t know the answer to that either.

And, you know what else I’ve been wondering? 

Why are we supposed to be Counting Crows?  What’s with that?

R: A favor for Alex Proyas?

And why do they keep poor Alice in Chains?

M: Honestly, Alice knows why she is in chains, and that’s good enough for me.

I’m not sure why they switched their head out with a radio, though…  I mean, I love music, but I don’t think I’d swap my head for a radio…

R: Doesn’t seem worth the effort.

And how does a deadman have a theory? And what would it be if he has one?

M: Maybe it would have something to do with The Killers? I don’t know.

You know what else I don’t know? What’s a Volta?  And what does it have to do with Mars?

R: I don’t know, but do you think the killers used a Velvet Revolver?

M: Velvet Revolver is my favorite weapon of choice…  it’s sexy and classic… It’s a good combination.

You know what else is a good combo? Guns and Roses. I believe Stephen King would agree with me on that.

R: Sorry to change the subject, but I need some help with something I’m going to put in my yard. Do you know how to make a Soundgarden?

M: Hmmm, you know, I’ve heard of those but I’ve never installed one myself.  Should be awesome once it’s done, though.  I’m jealous.

Oh! That reminds me.  I went to the ocean the other day and heard this Pearl Jam!

R: I heard that there’s this group called Audio that kidnaps people and sells them off. I don’t know about you, but I would hate to be an Audioslave.

M: Definitely.  I’d hate being an Audioslave, too.  Too many spoons and black holes for me.

I wouldn’t mind living on E Street though, they’ve got one heck of a Band.

R: I’d stay away from Tom Petty if I were you. I heard he’s got quite the crew of Heartbreakers.

M: I’d heard that too. I’ll do my best to avoid them on my path to Nirvana.

R: You realize that anyone who read all of these would probably think we’re crazy for joking around like this. I’d hate for some psychiatrist to get ahold of these and use them as an excuse to force us into joining an insane clown posse.

M: Wait!  You mean you aren’t already part of an Insane Clown Posse? I thought you were. I thought we had that in common… I thought we were … Family

R: Nothing about anything I do is insane….

By the way, have I ever shown you my Alien Ant Farm?

M: No… but you did show me your Spacehog. It was disturbing.

R: I don’t have a Spacehog. I think you’ve taken one too many hits off of the Verve Pipe.

M: You have no proof of that.

I have never…

Well…

Okay…

Maybe that one time.  But that wasn’t my fault.  The Big Bad Voodoo Daddy put a spell on me!  I had no choice!

R: Just remember that in this life you will always be Better Than Ezra, but Less Than Jake

M: U2, my friend.  U2.

Song Stories: Gone Away

To anyone who has ever asked me, I have always said that my favorite song is Gone Away by The Offspring. Most people who know the song give me a weird look after I say that. Not because they think it’s a bad song, but because it’s a very sad song. I think the reason I connect with this song so well is because every time I hear it, it makes me think of someone.

Back when I was in high school, I lost my aunt (my father’s sister) to breast cancer. She had been fighting it for a while. She’d had a double mastectomy years before, but it wasn’t enough to keep it from coming back. The doctors did all they could, but it wasn’t enough. The last time I saw her, she was bed ridden. She was almost unrecognizable to me. There were a couple of times when I wanted to walk out of the room because I couldn’t stand seeing her that way.

Our visit ended and we drove the three or four hours back home. Two days later, we got the call. I was at work (a cashier at a local hardware store) at the time. I got called into the back to take a phone call. I remember thinking that it was odd because they were very strict about employees receiving phone calls. It was my Dad. He only had to speak the first word for me to know what happened. I could tell from his voice. To this day, I’m still not sure what he said. I immediately broke down into tears.

I was pretty much numb throughout the funeral process. Much like not remembering my father’s words, a lot of what happened during this time is a blur for me. My aunt was one of the most amazing women I had ever met. She was smart, funny, and kind to everyone. Not one person who ever met her had a bad thing to say about her. Especially after seeing her right before it happened, it hit me pretty hard.

About a year later, this song came out. I was instantly mesmerized by it. I listened to it over and over again. The more I heard it, the more I associated it with my aunt. When he sang the line “And if I could trade, I would” there were times back then that I actually felt that way.

I’d think, “Here was a woman who was a wife, mother, and grandmother. She was loved by so many people. I’m just a dumb kid. Maybe it would be better if it were me instead of her.”

As time went on, I felt less and less like I should trade places. However, my love for this song has never waivered. Not only is it the song that touches me the most, but it is a reminder of the brave woman who was taken from the world too soon.

I love you, my aunt. I know I’ll never live up to you, but I hope that you’re proud of who I’ve become.

Looking Back: Garth Brooks

I don’t know if I will call Looking Back a series. I really only have one other one I’m planning on doing, but it might be an idea that I use again later. So, for now, please enjoy the first Looking Back post I’m writing.

The basic premise of these Looking Back posts is me listing a movie, song, or TV show that meant one thing to me back when I was younger and means something different looking back on it now. This first one is about a few different songs by Garth Brooks.

Song 1: Friends in Low Places

Back Then: Garth finds some drinking buddies after his woman dumps him because he isn’t classy enough.

Now: Garth  is an asshole who just ruined the wedding of his ex.

The lyrics never actually come out and say it’s a wedding, but the signs point there. It’s a “black tie affair” where people are toasting with champagne. That doesn’t rule out the possibility of it being something else, but it honestly doesn’t matter. Either way, Garth is an asshole who crashes a party thrown by an ex and her new man.

Get over it, Garth. Get over it.

Song 2: That Summer

Back Then: Garth was reminiscing about his first time.

Now: Garth is creepily obsessed with the cougar he lost his virginity to.

After the first couple of verses, it was still ok. Then, when you get to the last one, it becomes creepy. He says things like “And I have rarely held another when I haven’t seen her face,” and “Every time I pass a wheat field and watch it dancing in the wind, although I know it isn’t real I just can’t help but feel her hungry arms again”

Ok, calm down Garth. Once again, I’m going to have to tell you to get over it. Even if she was the best lay in the world, this reaction is a little much. Keep her in your spank bank, but other than that, let it go. It’s not worth it.

Through the Never

I have a playlist in my car that hovers around 700 songs. It takes me about 30 minutes to get to or from work every day (if there’s no traffic….which there usually is), so having music in my car is a must. I also have to have a variety, hence the 700 songs. I’ll just start my car, hit the random button, and hit play. Most of the time, it’ll give me a good mix of songs.

A few days ago, however, it randomly picked 3 songs from Metallica’s Black Album to play back to back. It started with The Unforgiven, then Sad But True, and finished with Through the Never.

Once the final song began playing, a thought occurred to me, and that thought was “For the past 20-something years (25 to be exact as I just Googled it), this song has gotten the short end of the stick.”

When you think of Metallica songs, which one is the first one that pops into your head? If you’re anything like me, it’s Master of Puppets. Start thinking about other ones. Is Through the Never in the top 5? Top 10? Top 20? Hell, I’d be willing to bet that most people wouldn’t have it in their top 5 from the Black Album. Most people would probably name the other two I’ve already mentioned plus Enter Sandman, Wherever I May Roam, and Nothing Else Matters.

To me, that’s a shame.

Now, I will admit that The Unforgiven is my favorite song on that album, but Through the Never is easily the second. And, the more I think about it, it kind of bothers me that it doesn’t get the love it deserves.

I may not change anyone’s mind with this post, but I hope you all at least give it a listen. It’s an awesome song.

My Weekly Soundtrack: Song Sequels

When you think of the word sequel, I’d say the first thing that pops into your head is movies, or maybe books. I doubt that you’d think of songs. Believe it or not, there are actually songs out there that have sequels.

This is the first of these that came out. It was off of 1991’s Black album. It’s The Unforgiven by Metallica.

The next song is the from the self-titled debut album in 1998: Voodoo by Godsmack.

In 1997, Metallica followed up The Unforgiven, on their album Reload, with this: The Unforgiven II.

In 2006, Godsmack released IV, which included their sequel Voodoo Too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKon7VUIP4c

Apparently not wanting to be outdone, in 2008, on their album Death Magnetic, Metallica released a third Unforgiven.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3m6et00DfQ

What do you think people? Song sequels: good idea or bad idea?

Song Story: Last Resort

When I did my first post about one of my song stories, I warned you that there would be some that were mundane (and probably pointless). This is one of those. I’d feel bad about telling you a story that you may not find interesting, but, hey, nobody’s forcing you to read this.

Anyways…

When Twindaddy split with the twins’ mother, he came to live with me for a while. They were around 6 at the time (Although you’d have to ask Twindaddy to find out for sure. I’m not very good at remembering things). This particular incident happened not long after he moved in. It was a time when I still had a little something to learn about what I can and can’t listen to when children are present….

The living room and the dining area of the apartment were all one big room. One day, the twins were at the dining room table doing their homework, while Twindaddy was on the couch playing Madden. My computer was situated right next to the TV, so I sat at the computer desk, manning the media player (we’d usually have our own music playing over the game because the announcers on Madden tend to be very annoying).

Our songs were selected randomly by the computer, and everything was fine….until Last Resort by Papa Roach started playing. At first, I thought nothing of it. In fact, I started singing along.

Cut my life into pieces, this is my last resort

I looked over at my brother, fully expecting him to be singing along with me. Instead, he had a look of terror on his face. In the split-second I was wondering why he had that look on his face, I remembered what the next line of the song is. I practically leaped at the mouse to click on the Next button.

Suffocation, no breathing, don’t give a fu….

At this point, I always picture myself doing one of those movie “slowly opening one eye to see if the bad thing occurred” gags, although I’m pretty sure that never happened. It was more like I gave a nervous chuckle while the twins looked at me like I was crazy.

Either way, from that point on, I was a lot more careful about what was played whenever they were around.

Having Ears Is Sometimes A Bad Thing

Yesterday, at work, I was doing my normal thing. I was boxing up radios and shipping them off to idiotic car dealerships all over this nation. During most of that time, however, I was also contemplating cutting my ears off. For the last four or five hours I was there, they were being cruelly, and unusually, punished.

 

The tech room where they repair the radios is right next to the shipping room. Normally, the techs wear headphones when they test play the music. For some reason, yesterday they didn’t.

I can’t really blame the techs. They don’t choose the CDs that they use. They’re supplied by the company that manufactures the radios. So, I will be blaming those assholes because I had to put up with the most horrible music imaginable for over half a work day.

There were many things wrong with the music. One, it was a Celine Dion song. Two, it was the Titanic song. Three, IT WAS THE FUCKING CELINE DION TITANIC SONG FOR HOURS ON END!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only good part of it was that it was an instrumental version, which means I didn’t have to hear her voice. Unfortunately, it was a weird instrumental version. It didn’t sound like any instrument I had ever heard before. It sounded like a violin crossed with bagpipes.

It was 33 grams of torture. I might have to start taking ear plugs into work with me from now on….