Revis and Matticus Save the Kingdom, Chapter 20

The portal shimmered, revealing a brilliant flow of colors. Those colors swirled until they turned into a blurry image of the dungeon cell where they had left Jaded.

Jaded slept in the corner. A loud sound echoed through the hallway, waking her up. She watched as a shadowy figure walked up to the bars. No, not walked. It glided up to the cell’s bars. There were no feet or legs coming out of the shadows to touch the floor.

At first, Jaded smiled as the figure came closer. Then, when the shadow got next to her, Jaded lunged, trying to grab the figure through the bars. “You never told me that they’d turn me human,” she spat venomously, her voice sounding strange coming from the portal.

The shadow laughed. “I told you they were more formidable than you’d give them credit for. You still did good to get them to go through the portal. How long have they been gone?”

“How the hell should I know? I’ve been locked in here since they left, and there are no watches in this universe.”

“There’s no time to lose. Take this,” the shadow ordered, holding out a vial of red liquid. “Throw the liquid on the portal and it will keep them from being able to come back through.”

Jaded scoffed. “The last time I did as you ordered, I got turned into a human.”

“I can change you back…”

“Don’t lie to me.”

The dark figure did not respond beyond a further offering gesture with the vial.  Jaded took a step back, her eyes flicking between the vial, the cell bars, and the face lost within the shadows.  It was obvious from her body language that she was tempted by the offer.  Even if she no longer trusted her cohort, the prospect of no longer being human appealed to her.

Revis and Matticus exchanged a nervous glance.

“Should we jump through before she makes up her mind?”  Matticus whispered, unsure if his voice would carry through the open portal.

Revis didn’t answer right away.  His gaze was fixed on the unfolding scene, waiting, watching, trying to decipher what the right move was.  He certainly didn’t want to get trapped forever in Twindaddy’s world.  The thought terrified him so greatly he almost lunged through instinctively.  But, his training kept him from following through on the impulse.  He needed a plan.

The Knight sensed Matticus growing restless beside him.  If he didn’t think of something, or at least answer quickly, the Jester might do something stupid.  He shifted his gaze from the portal to see Matticus chewing on his lip.  A bad sign.  A very bad sign.

Jaded grabbed the vial out of the shadow’s hand and removed the lid. Revis immediately grabbed Matticus’ arm and dragged him towards the portal. The two men hit the portal just as the red liquid did. A powerful force hit them both head-on and they felt themselves being thrown backwards. Roughly, they hit the ground.

When they opened their eyes, they saw that they weren’t in Twindaddy’s closet anymore. They also weren’t back in the Kingdom, either. Looking around, they saw that they were in a forest at night. Although, there were some of the horseless carriages from Twindaddy’s world not far away. There was also an impossibly tall metal fence.

Suddenly, an ear-splitting roar filled the air. Revis grabbed Matticus’ arm and signaled him to remain still, and quiet. They watched as the metal fence came down. A strange looking dragon came crashing through, attacking the carriages.  It had no wings and short arms. The dragon attacked one of the carriages, pushed it over the side of the fence, and ran off.

“Wait a minute,” Matticus said once he was sure the dragon was out of earshot. “How is there a now huge drop off right where the dragon came running two minutes ago?”

“Stop pointing out plot holes in other stories,” Revis commanded. “If you do that, people may start finding them in ours.”

“Like what?”

“Like how we’ve been to a few universes different than ours and we all just happen to speak the same language. Seriously, how long are the odds that would actually happen?”

“I hadn’t thought about it like that.  Yeah, that is weird…  Also, I have no idea what you are talking about.  What stories?”

“Never mind.”

“Fine,” Matticus responded petulantly.  “So, now what?”

“Well, we should probably get out of this rain, and find some shelter before that dragon comes back, because it will be coming back.  And then we should figure out how to find another portal.”

Matticus furrowed his brow, and looked skyward, noticing the rain for the first time.  “I suppose you have some kind of plan for that?  Something from your magical bag of tricks?”

Before Revis could answer, the dragon let out a mighty roar that caused the hairs on their arms and the back of their necks to stand on end.  They couldn’t help but swivel their heads the direction of the sound.  It sounded close, and hungry.

A moment later there was a loud thumping noise, accompanied by a percussion impact in a nearby puddle.  Matticus looked at the tremors in the water quizzically, and then, as understanding settled in, his expression turned to one of terror.  He turned to Revis to ask the obvious question and his Knight was already on the move.

“Time to go.”

The Jester did not need to be told twice. As soon as he got up to full speed a bright light burst in front of him. Now that he had been blinded, he tried to stop. Instead, his foot found a small hole in the ground and he tumbled forward. When his vision returned, he expected to see the dragon standing over him, about to strike. Instead, he found that he was in a completely different forest.

It was now daytime. It was no longer raining. There were no horseless carriages.

Revis grabbed him from underneath his arms and began lifting Matticus to his feet. There was blood running down from the Knight’s forehead. “I found a tree after the light blinded me,” Revis explained before the Jester had a chance to ask. “I’ll be fine.”

A noise off to the side caused them to duck. They saw a man in armor, a man in priest robes, and a dwarf walking. The man in armor said something that they couldn’t hear. In apparent frustration, the dwarf grabbed the armored man and spun him so they were face-to-face. “If you don’t stop asking questions, I’ll cut your tongue out and shove it up your nose,” he threatened.

The light flashed again. Now, they were standing in a room with a bed. The only other thing in the room was a woman, who acted like she didn’t notice them.

“Isn’t that Drun’s stalker, Zoe,” Matticus asked.

Revis nodded his head. Zoe, still not noticing that two people had magically appeared in her room, went about her business. She reached into her pants and scratched her butt. Then, she pulled her hand out and sniffed it. Before the men could voice their disgust at her behavior, the light burst once more and they found themselves standing next to a pair of metallic looking rails laid over wooden slats that stretched towards the horizon in both directions.  A little ways away, there were two men talking to each other excitedly.  They couldn’t quite make out the conversation, but the younger one kept calling the older one, who had shock white hair, “Doc.”  There were two of the horseless carriages resting on the strange tracks.  The young man got in the smaller of the two, and the old man got in the larger, then smoke began to pour out of chimney looking thing and the two carriages started moving down the track.

Revis and Matticus turned to each other, eyebrows raised, and then the light flashed once more.  As their vision cleared they lost their balance and stumbled onto a bench of some sort.  A man there, dressed in all white, held out a box to them and asked, “Would you like a chocolate?”

That sounded pretty good to Matticus so he reached to grab a piece, but the light flashed again and his hand passed through nothingness.  His curses were lost in the transfer, hurtling forever in the unknown void between the infinite worlds.

Fall From Grace

After doing my post participating in Matticus’ Tug-of-War, it put me in the mood to read comics again. While I got rid of most of my comics years ago, when I stopped collecting (I just didn’t have the room for them anymore), I still have some of my trade paperbacks. To get my comics fix, I looked through those.

I noticed that I only have books from two characters now. It’s one character from each DC and Marvel. From DC, it’s Nightwing. From Marvel, it’s Daredevil. While I loves me some Nightwing, I had to grab one of the Daredevil books because…well…. Marvel.

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Revis and Matticus Save the Kingdom Chapter 16

Because of the suddenness of the Jester’s attack, the man in shiny bone armor didn’t have enough time to aim the shot from his wand. Even so, the bolt struck Matticus. It was not enough to slow his momentum and he bowled into his target. After the collision, the man got to his feet. Matticus did not.

He looked around for Revis, but didn’t see him anywhere. With a shout of anger, the Knight struck him hard from behind with his daggers. The man crumpled to the ground. Revis kicked the man’s wand into the corner and tied his hands together behind his back.

Turning Matticus over, he saw that the bolt had struck him in the stomach. It was on the right side of his torso, so Revis hoped that meant it had missed all of the important parts inside of him. The Knight pulled a vial out of his pack and poured some of the liquid into Matticus’ mouth.

“Ow,” the Jester groaned as he regained consciousness. “Remind me to never do that again.”

Revis held the vial up for Matticus to see. “This is the last vial of healing potion I have. We need to save the rest of this, so please be more careful in the future.”

“Me?  More careful?  You!” The Jester stammered and staggered as he found his feet, swaying dangerously.    Revis reached out a steadying hand but Matticus brushed him off, and fell to his rear as a result.  “Ow!”

“Come on,” Revis said, offering a hand to help Matticus back to his feet.

The Jester refused the gesture and went into a rant, “If you hadn’t rushed in here in the first place.  If you had launched your attack with some sort some semblance of a plan. If you hadn’t let him get the drop on you.  If, if, if.  But, I’m the one that needs to be careful?  Knight, you need to watch yourself.  I’m considering demoting you to squire or stable-boy or something equally demeaning.”

Revis offered his hand again, with an accompanying smirk, “You can’t demote me, Jesterness, nobody else would take the job in my place.”

Matticus took his Knight’s hand and together they got him back on his feet.  “You might be surprised, Revis.”

The knight bowed slightly to show deference to his liege, but the smile never faded from his lips.

Matticus scowled, and then his face scrunched up to show his confusion, “Wait, I thought you used the last of the healing potion to cure Jaded?”

A groan from the magician interrupted their conversation, and Revis said, “Let’s see what we are dealing with, shall we?”

“Hey,” Revis said, nudging the man with his foot. “Are you the one who keeps sending those sparkly things through that portal?”

“Not that one,” He replied. “The one in my other universe.”

“So, what do we call you, Mr. Two Universes?”

“My name here is Drun Kenman. In the other universe I’m known as Twindaddy.”

You’re Twindaddy,” the Knight asked with a voice dripping with anger.

“You know him, Revis,” Matticus questioned incredulously.

“Revis,” Drun said, deep in thought. “Revis Edgewater?”

“How does he know your last name?”

Ignoring Matticus, Drun looked directly at the Knight. “Your mother never told you what happened to your brother?”

Responding, Revis shot back with, “She told me enough. She told me you killed him.”

“No. I am your brother.”

“That’s not true…… That’s impossible!”

“Search your feelings, Revis. You know it to be true!”

“No! Nooooooooooooooooooo!”

The two men stood staring at each other for a few seconds before Matticus interrupted them. “That was….surreal.”

“You guys are brothers?”

“No!”

“Yes.”

“And there are multiple uinverses, and the you from the other one is responsible for all the annoying sparkly vampires?”

“Yes and yes.”

“Crap, this is confusing.”  Matticus saw what looked like a seat across the room, contemplated walking over to it, decided he wouldn’t make it, and fell to his rear again.  “I’m not sure I’m recovered enough to process all this.  I’m just the Jester…”

“If that’s your attitude,” Drun commented dryly, “then you are surely doomed.”

Revis ignored Matticus’ plight and turned to face his brother, “If you’ve known about me, why didn’t you reach out?  No, never mind, that isn’t important.  I just want to stop the flow of vampires, and get home to my wife and daughter and forget this ever happened.  I have no brother.”

Revis brandished his daggers menacingly, “Tell us everything you know about what Twindaddy is doing!”

Drun looked between Revis’ face and the daggers and back again, “I’ll tell you everything, of course, but only after you admit that I am your brother.”

Revis’ face drained of color and then flushed a bright red as anger coursed through him.  Despite his dazed state, Matticus could tell there was going to be trouble, but he couldn’t react fast enough to intervene.  The Knight snarled and pulled his daggers back preparing to plunge them into Drun Kenman.

At the last second, Revis altered the angle of the strike. His daggers struck the floor, inches away from either side of Drun’s face. To Matticus’ surprise, the man didn’t even blink. He just looked up and smiled, “Well?”

With a curse, Revis pulled his daggers up and walked away. Matticus got to his feet and walked over to where the Knight was continuing his cursing tirade. “What’s the big deal,” Matticus asked. “All you have to do is say he’s your brother.”

“I won’t do it.”

“You don’t have to mean it. Just say it.”

“No. I won’t.”

“And if I make it an order?”

“You wouldn’t….”

“We need his cooperation, Revis. Now, as the reigning Jester of the Kingdom, I order you to go tell him that you’re his brother.”

Revis continued his cursing. Matticus tried to hide his smirk. Putting up with all of Revis’ slights was sometimes a pain, but it was moments like this that made it all worth it.

After he walked back over to stand next to Drun, Revis looked down at the tied-up man and said, “Fine. You’re my brother.”

“Was that so hard?” Drun smiled wryly, his words dripping with sarcasm.  “Now help me up.”

Revis laughed in the man’s face.  “That wasn’t part of the deal, brother, and if you think I’m going to treat you any different than I was a minute ago, my daggers will show you how wrong you are.”

Drun’s eyes flicked to the Jester, but Matticus just shrugged.  He agreed with his knight for once.  A deal had been made, and Revis had upheld his part.  Drun needed to tell them about Twindaddy or Revis would be free to extract the information however he saw fit.  The glint in the Knight’s eyes indicated it would be messy.

For the first time, a hint of fear crept into Drun’s face.  He struggled to sit up but the injuries he had sustained earlier, along with the bulky armor, inhibited his movements.  Revis and Matticus watched him collapse into a heap on the floor again with more than a bit of glee.  While this man wasn’t directly responsible for the sparkly vampire invasion, his alternate universe self was.  Matticus secretly hoped any pain Drun felt would also be felt by Twindaddy.  It would serve him right.

“I need a drink,” Drun sighed when he finally righted himself.  “Let’s go to the cantina.  I’ll tell you everything once we are there.”

Versus: Companies

Welcome to a special edition of Versus. My writing partner, Matticus, has issued a challenge to the blog-o-sphere. He wants us all to take sides in the DC vs. Marvel debate. I have already given my answer to this topic on a couple of different occasions on this blog, but I will do so again for his benefit.

Also, be sure to stop by the Kingdom to view his challenge (along with all of the other awesomeness he has going on over there.
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Versus: Episode 1

Welcome to the first of what, I’m hoping, will be a weekly feature here on 33 Grams of Blog (Although, with my schedule it might end up being closer to 10 days than 7) called Versus. This is going to be my version of The Deadliest Warrior, except it’ll be fictional characters instead of historical figures, and it won’t always be about fighting ability.

I plan on having two matchups per post, so it might go something like this: Round 1 is who would win in a fight between Batman and Captain America (I wouldn’t actually do that one, as it has already been done in comic books. I’m just using it as an example)? Round 2 might be who is a better crime solving duo: Castle and Beckett, or Sherlock Holmes and Watson?

Most of these are queries put forth by either myself, or the other comic book/movie loving nerds I work with. I’m hoping that some of you will help me out with some ideas as well. At the bottom of the page, I’m going to put a form so you can submit any ideas for matchups that you might have.

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Captain Procrastination: Robbery in Progress

capalice

The TV screen showed an empty bank vault. He was about to turn it off when, suddenly, a rope dropped down from the ceiling. What is this, he asked himself. Patience wasn’t normally one of his virtues, but he decided he should continue watching to see if the was something he should do something about, or not.

Two people in ski masks descended down the rope. When they reached the floor, they took a quick look around before discovering that they were alone. Each of them unslung an empty canvas bag from around their shoulder and began filling it with money.
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Captain Procrastination: Bombs Away

CAP LOGO

Welcome back, dear readers. I know it has been a while since you last heard the exploits of your hero, Captain Procrastination. After what happened with Skidmark and the Multi-Tasker, he decided it would be best if he laid low for a little bit (By laying low, I mean that he’s sleeping 18 hours a day, playing with himself 5 hours a day, then spending the rest of the time eating and pooping… sometimes at the same time). Now that enough time has passed, he’s ready to go out and take on the bad guys again… In other words, his mom is tired of him being in the house 24/7 and threatened to kick him out if he didn’t leave every once in a while). Now, onto the adventure! Continue reading