The Body in My Backyard

When I came home from work yesterday, I had to bury a body in my backyard. Unfortunately, it was not the body of one of my enemies. No, it was my daughter’s fish, Kiki.

This was actually the second Kiki. We were able to find a good enough replacement for the first one before Baby E even noticed that something was seriously wrong. She noticed that Kiki suddenly looked a little smaller but my wife and I told her that Kiki had lost weight because she was sick. I don’t know if she bought that completely, but she went along with it.

This time, however, she saw Kiki 2.0 laying on its side, not moving, before we could try to hide it from her. I stuck the net in the tank and the fish moved away from it, but not much. Baby E was crying when I left for work. I tried to calm her down by telling her that Kiki was still moving, therefore was still alive. She knew, though. She knew Kiki wouldn’t last much longer.

Sure enough, Mrs. Revis texted me about halfway through my work day to tell me that Kiki was no longer with us and my daughter was inconsolable. I called and talked to her for a few minutes. It was heartbreaking.

“I miss Kiki!”

“I don’t want her to go!”

“We need to get another fish and name it Kiki too!”

It took a lot of work, but between us, Mrs. Revis and I calmed her down. Now the problem was what to do with Kiki. With the first Kiki, we flushed it down the toilet and Baby E was never the wiser. This time, she kind of flipped out when it was suggested. I said that maybe we should put Kiki in the river behind our house. She didn’t like that idea either. No, we had to bury Kiki in the backyard.

“That way Kiki will always be with us.”

So… that’s what I did.

She was more calm today. She was still sad about her fish dying, but she was able to talk about it without crying, which was good. I don’t know how much more of it I could take.

I can handle anything you throw at me, but not that. Watching my child weep uncontrollably is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. What made it worse is that there was nothing I could do or say that would make it ok that her pet had just died.

I don’t even want to think about what will happen the first time someone she knows passes away. If I couldn’t handle this, I sure as hell won’t be able to handle that.

Everything You Know Is Wrong

Português: Brasília - O presidente da África d...

Rest in peace, Nelson. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Perhaps you’ve had your head up your ass the last 24 hours. If not then you already know that humanitarian Nelson Mandela passed away yesterday. Mandela, if you don’t know, was an influential figure in ending the apartheid in South Africa.

This morning, one of my coworkers was streaming live media coverage of Mandela’s passing on his PC. I noticed that there was a 10-day funeral schedule planned for him. I said something I can no longer recall articulating my shock that the schedule would last that long.

That’s when this coworker, who is a staunch conservative and conspiracy theorist (though he’ll only admit to being conservative), remarked that the timing of Mandela’s death was convenient. “Think about it. All of the sudden he’s dead and Obama gets a trip to South Africa during the winter.”

I was astounded. Shocked. Stunned. Was he actually suggesting that Obama somehow had something to do with the timing of Mandela’s death? I asked him as much.

“Think about it,” he responded. “No one’s seen him for months. How do we know he’s been alive all this time?”

“He’s been sick!” I exclaimed. “You actually think they sat on this so Obama could have a vacation at a convenient time for him?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “You never know.” He then walked away, clearly aware that I wasn’t ready to hear his bullshit.

Official photographic portrait of US President...

I’m the man behind the curtain, orchestrating the entire facade of your existence. This is the Matrix. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Now, I’m not so naïve that I believe that our government is transparent. I know they only tell us what they want us to know. I know they have secrets. I am, however, not one who thinks that everything is fabricated to placate and/or control the masses. There isn’t an ulterior motive behind everything which makes the news. I’m not wearing tinfoil hats and scanning the sky for black helicopters while waiting for the revolution to begin. That, to me, is absurd. I cannot fathom the idea that Mandela died months ago and Obama somehow convinced South Africa to keep it quiet until an opportune time arose for him to leave the country. That is one of the most ludicrous suggestions I’ve heard in recent memory.

This same man suggested the other day that the CEO of Amazon was a government stooge while ranting about the drone delivery proposal originally announced on 60 Minutes this past weekend.

I understand the distrust of the government. I don’t trust them myself. It seems to me that most politicians are out only to make their wallets fatter. Representing “we the people” is secondary to that end. I just can’t believe that all world events are orchestrated by the US government. I don’t believe Mandela died months ago. I don’t believe the CEO of Amazon is a government stooge. I don’t believe there is a motive behind everything. There’s no way we’re all just puppets on strings being manipulated in every facet of our lives by a few in control.