A Thank You To All

As you know, Matticus and I just finished up a story in which we saved his Kingdom from sparkly vampires. Along the way, we ran into many of our fellow bloggers. These are all amazing people. Not only did they make the writing process fun, they were also very good sports about the whole thing.

There are a few of our fellow bloggers who we would like to give extra special thanks to:

First and foremost, we’d like to thank Goldfish for agreeing to be our villain. Every good story needs a good villain, and you were the best, my fishy friend.

We’d also like to give thanks to Faithhopechocolate, who took the time to write her own story about the happenings in the Kingdom. Your adventure is a welcome addition to the Kingdom’s legends.

Last in this category, but certainly not least, is another blogger who was awesome enough to play our other big villain: Jaded. You certainly kept us on our toes, my dear.

Next, we’d like to thank all of the bloggers who were gracious enough to take part in our silliness. Our story wouldn’t have been the same without the  33 grams of awesome provided by (in order of appearance):

Finally, we’d like to thank everyone who read our story. A story, no matter how good, is nothing without an audience, and you are the best audience a couple of silly kingdom savers could ask for. We really hope you enjoyed the story and wish for you to come back for our next project, whatever that may be.

Revis and Matticus Save the Kingdom Chapter 28

After they had spent precious time with their families, Matticus and Revis got back to work. They went over everything they had learned about what had happened while they were gone. Then, they went over it again. What they had learned was not much.

Jaded, and her sorcerer, had led an army of sparkly vampires to the castle. Without the leadership of the First Knight, the rest of the Kingdom’s warriors weren’t prepared to deal with the invaders. They put up a valiant defense, but were overmatched in the end. The Queen and Prince were flown out by Rara right before the castle fell.

Since then, the sparkly vampires had been slowly building up their numbers. Publically, the vampires had only replaced the army, and local law enforcement, with their own. Behind the scenes, however, they were moving their army around. When Grayson showed Revis a map showing where the vampires were repositioning their troops, he could only scratch his head. The movements made no sense at all.

“This is ridiculous,” Revis spat. “There is no reason at all to move soldiers to these locations.”

“What do we do,” Matticus asked.

Revis thought about it for a minute before answering. “The smart thing to do would be to figure out what she’s doing before we make any moves,” Revis began. “But, since this has taken way longer than it should, I say we just go confront Jaded and get this over with.”

“Direct assault?  Small chance of success?  Almost certain to mean our death?  What are we waiting for?” Matticus sarcastically rolled his eyes.

“That sounds familiar, did you steal that from a movie?”

“What’s a “movie?”

“Never mind, it doesn’t matter,” Revis sighed, exasperated, “Do you have any better ideas your Jesterness?”

Matticus slid his gaze over the map, studying the troop placements again, racking his brain to find some connection, some small clue, that made it all fit together into something that made sense.  But, in the end, he shook his head in defeat.  Either the vampires had no idea how to stratigcally place troops to run a kingdom or they were smarter than he cared to admit.

“Nope, you are right.  It’s time we finish this madness.  Let’s track down Jaded again, get her to divulge the whereabouts of the sorcerer and the details of their plan.  And then…”

Revis raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, sorry,” Matticus continued, “I should have finished that with a question mark.  And then…?  What are we going to do once we have all the information?  Neither of us can fight a sorcerer on our own.  We are going to need some help, right?”

“We already have your two friends and two dragons. How much more help do you think we’re going to need?”

“But….”

“Nonsense, Jester. We’ve got this covered.”

Matticus wanted to protest further, but Revis began going over the details of his plan. The more he listened to his Knight, the less he worried. Although, he still thought that they needed more people than they had. An army to help them defeat the vampires wasn’t going to appear out of nowhere, however.

Once he was finished going over his plan, Revis looked at each person, in turn, to make sure they understood their part in the upcoming attack. Deb, Dani, Grayson, and Rara all nodded their heads when it got to be their turn. Finally, it got to Matticus. He still wasn’t completely convinced that this was going to work, but they really didn’t have much of a choice at this point. His head nodded, as well.

With a nod of his own, Revis produced the ink bottle that made portals. He used the brush to cover the entire wall in front of them. Matticus was going to ask why he used so much of the ink, but then he realized that the dragons wouldn’t fit through the portal if Revis made the portal smaller. As soon as his Knight was finished, Matticus jumped through the portal, if only so Revis wouldn’t push him through again.

The laughter at his own cleverness died on his lips, though, as the Jester felt himself come through the other side but was immediately blinded by the thickest darkness he had ever encountered.  He waved his hand in front of his face, but couldn’t see it.  He rubbed his eyes and blinked to see if there was something covering his face, but there wasn’t.  He knew he should move to keep from getting knocked over by the rest of the group when they came through, but without knowing what was in front of him, he wasn’t sure if he should risk it.

The thought of having traveled so far just to be trampled by either Rara or Grayson got his feet moving and he shuffled forward until his right boot caught on something and he fell forward with a grunt and a groan.  On his hands and knees, with what felt and tasted like dust swirling around his head, he yelled a warning over his shoulder, “Careful, something isn’t right here!”

A moment later he heard one of his companions come through the portal behind him and also call out in surprise and alarm.  Matticus shuffled forward in the dirt to make as much room as he could.

Revis was the last one through. He knew that the ink worked by transporting whoever walked through the portal to wherever they wanted to go. That meant that the dragons were going to be coming out somewhere else. The warning that Matticus had called out had come through the portal all garbled, so Revis didn’t know what he had said. It wasn’t until he felt the cold steel of a blade against his throat that he knew something besides the darkness was out of place.

“And who might you be,” the Knight asked his unseen assailant.

A voice from the darkness answered, “I am your worst nightmare.”

“No. Waking up without my penis is my worst nightmare.”

“OK, fine. Maybe I’m not your worst nightmare, but I am quite up there.”

While the assailant was talking, Revis was trying to think of a way out of his predicament. If there was light, he’d just turn himself invisible and use the confusion that created to get out. In the dark, however, that advantage was negated.  The Knight realized his best hope was to keep his would-be captor talking to give Matticus an opportunity to come to his rescue, so he quickly replied, “You aren’t my second worst nightmare either, that would be to lose my family.  And I’ve been living my third worst nightmare, spending weeks on end on the road with only the Jester for company.  So, really, where does that leave you?”

“Quit your yammering, Revis, or I’ll…”

Despite feeling the blade press more tightly against his throat, Revis cut off his attacker’s response, “Nowhere, if you think about it.  I mean, I’m already experienced my third worst nightmare, and you aren’t anywhere near that, so why don’t you ease up out of my face before something bad happens to you.”

“How dare you…  How can you possibly threaten me when I could kill you with a flick of my wrist?”

Despite the darkness, Revis shrugged, “If you were going to kill me, you would have already done it.”

The assailant began laughing, “Oh, no, poor misguided Knight, so confident in your abilities and your worth, all of this was just a distraction.  We are the bait to draw Matticus out, and once he is captured, I will kill you.”

 

Captain Procrastination: End With A Bang!

capalice

Captain Procrastination walked into the room. You could tell that he was having trouble seeing in the dark. “Dave,” his voiced echoed. “I got your message. I’m glad to finally hear from you again. It’s been awhile. I thought you were mad at me.”

Only silence answered him. He was beginning to get angry. “Look,” he announced, “I came because you said you had por….I mean, adult entertainment. If there’s none here, I’m going home.”

The light turned on, causing him to momentarily shield his eyes. Directly in front of him, but was covered by the darkness, was Skidmark. He was tied to a chair, with his mouth gagged. Captain Procrastination pointed and laughed for a minute before making any movement that could be considered helpful. Continue reading

Versus: Companies

Welcome to a special edition of Versus. My writing partner, Matticus, has issued a challenge to the blog-o-sphere. He wants us all to take sides in the DC vs. Marvel debate. I have already given my answer to this topic on a couple of different occasions on this blog, but I will do so again for his benefit.

Also, be sure to stop by the Kingdom to view his challenge (along with all of the other awesomeness he has going on over there.
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Captain Procrastination: Keeping it Clean

(Narrator’s Note: Welcome back, dear readers, to everyone’s favorite superhero, Captain Procrastination. For the past couple of months, your hero has been incredibly busy saving people’s lives and rescuing those in distress. Because of how busy he was, he was unable to share his adventures with you. He’d like to apologize for the delay, and promise that it won’t happen again.

There. I said it. Now, where’s the hundred bucks you told me you’d give me for reading that garbage? And what’s with the “I promise it won’t happen again” bullshit? Procrastination is in your name. Of course it’s going to happen again.

What’s that? Yes, I know the microphone is still on. I’m not a moron like you. Sure, I’ll turn it off…. when you give me the money you owe me. 20, 40, 60, 80, 100. Pleasure doing business with you.

Now, please enjoy this episode of Captain Procrastination!) Continue reading

New Shows

I started watching a couple of new shows recently, and, since they fall under the category of ‘my geekdom’, I figured I’d let you all know my opinion on them (whether you like it or not! HAHAHA!). I’ll start off with the one that has been airing the longest, Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD.

AGENTS OF SHIELD (TUESDAYS 8/7C, ABC)

The Avengers kicked so much ass. The individual movies of each of the Avengers were awesome, too. Even the Captain America one was good (Although, I’m still not a big Cap fan). So, I had high hopes for this show going in.

I don’t want to say I’m disappointed in it…but I kind of am.

It’s actually unfair of me to say that, though. There’s actually nothing wrong with it. I don’t have a problem with the acting. I don’t have a problem with any of the characters.

The writing, so far, has been pretty good. They have a couple of ongoing story lines that are enough to be interesting (How Coulson survived Loki killing him in The Avengers, and unveiling Skye’s background).

They’ve had a few good cameos (Cobie Smulders as Agent Maria Hill in the pilot, Samuel L. as Nick Fury in either the second or third episode). In the newest episode, they’ve imported an artifact from the new Thor movie (or is at least Asgardian), which is pretty cool.

With all of that going for it, it still feels like something is missing to me and I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s that none of them have superpowers, or even a cool gimmick (like Hawkeye and his bow and arrow). Or, it could just be that I set my expectations for it way too high.

I’m still watching it. It’s a good show. There’s just something off about it and I can’t put my finger on it.

ALMOST HUMAN (MONDAYS 8/7C, FOX)

I started seeing commercials for this show a few weeks ago during football. I was a little hesitant to try it out. After all, most new shows that I’ve tried watching lately have either sucked, or haven’t been as good as I thought they were going to be. I went back and forth on it a few times before finally deciding to DVR it.

The thing that sold me on giving it a try is that it has Karl Urban in it. I have yet to see anything he’s done that has sucked (Granted, Doom wasn’t all that good, but it didn’t suck).

For those of you who don’t know what the premise is, let me break it down for you. Quite simply, it’s I, Robot the series. True, it doesn’t have any actual affiliation with Asimov’s books, or the Will Smith movie adaptation, but it’s pretty much the same. A down-on-his-luck cop who doesn’t like robots gets teamed up with one to fight the bad guys.

Normally, I don’t like it when shows are that close to something that has already been done, but it doesn’t really bother me in this case. They do a good job of making it their own. Plus, the back story is good enough to carry the overall direction of the show for a while.

I know that they’ve only shown two episodes of this so far, but I really liked those two episodes. After watching them, I couldn’t wait for the third. Granted, this may change. Some shows start off good, then start sucking. I hope this isn’t one of them. It looks like it could end up being really good.

 

Versus: Episode 2

Welcome to the second edition of Versus. A number of you have sent me your matchup ideas. For now, I’m going to go with one matchup suggested by one of my readers. The other will be one that was thought of by me, or someone else at work. Eventually, depending on how many suggestions you all give me, I might do all reader suggested matchups. So, don’t forget to send me your requests.

Now, onto the first matchup. This one is from my writing partner, Matticus.

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