I’ve had a couple of late entries into the Fiction’s Greatest Wizard ring, so I’m going to extend the deadline until Friday at 11:59 p.m. EST. If you want to tell us all who you think Fiction’s Greatest Wizard is, go here and tell us in the comments. Any entry left before the cutoff time will be put into a poll so everyone can cast their vote for who they think Fiction’s Greatest Wizard is!
I’ve seen a couple of people do posts where they answer questions. I thought about doing the questions that they did, but there were over 100 of them, and I don’t have time for that. So, instead, I decided to find a random question generator and told it to give me 20.
Here we go.
Which do you like better, Google or Apple? The only Apple product I’ve ever used is my wife’s iPad, and that hasn’t been very much, so I’m going Google on this one.
Do you like bugs? Hell no. Those little bastards are always trying to get in my house.
Which do you like better, ninjas or pirates? Look at my header picture. Is there a pirate on it? No. Is there a ninja? Yes. I think you have your answer.
What is your favorite eye color? Well, mine are blue, my wife’s are green, and my daughter’s are blue, but starting to kind of creep on over to the green side. So….blue/green?
Have you ever shoplifted? When I was in high school. I stole some football cards from a convenience store. My younger brother tried to do it too, but got busted and promptly ratted me out. So, in order to keep the cops out of it, we had to clean the store for an hour every day after school for a week. I took the first week. He was supposed to take the second, but when it came time for my brother to do his, he got pink eye and I had to do it for him. I got hosed….
What is your favorite fruit? Pineapple, provided it’s not cooked. I hate cooked pineapple.
Do you like roller coasters? I did before I hurt my back. Now, not so much.
Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? I want to say that I have, but I don’t specifically remember doing it.
Do you have any tattoos or piercings? Nope, and I don’t plan on ever getting any. I don’t have anything against people that do those things, they’re just not for me.
What is your favorite drink? Sunkist, although I’m trying to cut back on drinking soft drinks.
Have you ever been stopped by the police? A couple of times, but the only ticket I ever got was from a cop in Detroit for not wearing my seatbelt.
Which do you like better, black socks or white socks? Whichever kind keeps me from sticking my bare feet in my shoes.
Do you have pets? My daughter has a fish named Kiki. He’s a betta, or a Siamese fighting fish if you want to get technical. However, because he’s purple, my daughter says he has to be a girl. I tried to explain that just because it was purple, that didn’t make it a girl, but she wasn’t having it.
How many pairs of shoes do you own? Four. One pair of dress shoes, one that I wear to work, one that I wear outside of work, and one I only wear when I’m mowing my yard.
How many books did you read last year? I don’t know. I didn’t keep count. Probably somewhere between 15-20, I’d guess.
What are your favorite hot dog toppings? Gulden’s Spicy Brown mustard. That’s some good stuff.
Do you like to dance? No. In fact, I dislike it. I will do it on a few specific occasions, however. If my wife or daughter ask me to, I will. Or if I’m drunk….
What is your favorite hair color? I honestly don’t have a preference. They all look good, depending on who is wearing them.
Have you ever dined and dashed? Nope. I’ve joked about it, but I’ve never actually done it.
Have you ever been in a play? Nope. The only acting I ever did was when I worked at Walmart and I pretended that I didn’t hate it there.
There you go. Hope you learned something there. I didn’t. I already knew all those answers.
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt the need to vent about work on here. I try not to, but something happened today that almost made me crush my skull from the enormous face palm I was forced to give it.
For those of you who don’t remember, or didn’t know in the first place, the company I work for does contract work repairing radios for a car stereo manufacturer. While we do some retail models, most of what we handle are factory installed radios that are still under warranty. An order is generated when a car dealership calls in and says there’s a problem with a radio. Those orders go on a list which I go out to the warehouse, pick, put the radios into a box, and then ship. It’s fairly simple.
Now, every once in a while, we’ll get an email from the order takers telling us to cancel an order. Sometimes it’s because there was a system error and they need to re-enter the order, but it’s usually because the dealer will call back and say they don’t need it anymore. That’s what happened on Friday. I got an email telling me to cancel an order. So, I did. And, like I have to do every time I cancel an order, I sent an email confirming that I cancelled it. My job was done.
Then, I came into work this morning. The first thing I do after starting every day is check my email. That’s when I saw this:
Hello, Can you tell me if this order
was Cancel. Order# @#$%^&*/ Dealer said he called. Talk to someone, request it to be Cancel. Well the dealer called back today. And he still needs this radio. So please do not cancel. If you didn’t. please ship it out. And let me know. Thank you
Besides the atrocious grammar, there are many things incredibly wrong with this email. Things that make me want to punch holes in some of the boxes we have around here. Let me go through them for you as if I was talking to the person who sent it, because I can’t actually say these things to her or I’d be fired.
“Hello, Can you tell me if this order
Yes, it was cancelled. If you would check your email, you’d already know this.
“Dealer said he called. Talk to someone, request it to be Cancel.”
The dealer said they called and talked to someone about cancelling the order? Yeah, they did. It was you, you moron. You’re the one who sent me the email asking for the order to be cancelled, so they obviously talked to you.
“Well the dealer called back today. And he still needs this radio. So please do not cancel.”
Today is Tuesday. Per your request, I cancelled the order back on Friday. As far as I know, time travel is impossible, so I can’t go back and uncancel it.
“If you didn’t. please ship it out. And let me know. Thank you”
Once again, I sent you confirmation back on Friday that this order had been cancelled. I can’t ship it out because…oh, I don’t know….THE ORDER WAS CANCELLED!!!!
Me: *puts box of Pop Tarts in shopping cart*
Mrs. Revis: Why are you getting those? I thought you didn’t like that flavor.
Me: It’s not that I don’t like them, I just think other flavors are better.
Mrs. Revis: Why don’t you put those back and get a flavor you like better?
Today’s the last day to vote for who you think Fiction’s Greatest Assassin is. I will be shutting down the poll at 11:59 p.m. my time. Let’s get those votes rolling in everyone!
I titled the post that because I wasn’t sure what I should call it. I was torn between two options. It was either going to be called “A Conversation That Shows How Our Minds Work”, or “Proof That Our Minds Don’t Work”. I’ll let you decide.
(Actual lines of email from between Matticus and myself)
Matticus: Flog some Molly, my friend! They are a lot of fun. Catching tunes. Upbeat… in the same vein as The Offspring in some aspects… Kind of punk, kind of pop, … good strong guitar riffs, with the added bonus of an Irish vocalist. Anyway, I think you’d like them. Some of their stuff is available on Prime Music if you have that…
Revis: Who’s Molly and why are they flogging her? And why are they breaking Benjamin too?
M: And what did Ben fold five of?
R: Why are they dropkicking Murphys?
M: I really don’t know. I don’t know why those Lips are Flaming either…
R: It is a mystery. Just like who exactly it was that God smacked.
M: I will admit, I have always wanted to know the answer to that. Also, I wish I knew what Foo was, and if they had their own Fighters or there were Fighters going after the Foo…
R: According to Robot Chicken ‘Foo’ is anyone that Mr. T called a fool. As in, ,’I pity the foo!” So Grohl and Co. went around beating up anyone who Mr. T said that to. It ended with Mr. T calling himself a fool and the Foo fighters kicking his ass.
I’m still wondering how the Leppard became Def.
M:I hadn’t heard that before! It’s brilliant!!
And, that poor Leppard. These things happen sometimes… Life can be cruel…
Like… why did all those kids going around Smashing Pumpkins?
R: Damn kids…
And how does one Pilot a Stone Temple?
M: That is a fine question… I … I don’t know the answer to that either.
And, you know what else I’ve been wondering?
Why are we supposed to be Counting Crows? What’s with that?
R: A favor for Alex Proyas?
And why do they keep poor Alice in Chains?
M: Honestly, Alice knows why she is in chains, and that’s good enough for me.
I’m not sure why they switched their head out with a radio, though… I mean, I love music, but I don’t think I’d swap my head for a radio…
R: Doesn’t seem worth the effort.
And how does a deadman have a theory? And what would it be if he has one?
M: Maybe it would have something to do with The Killers? I don’t know.
You know what else I don’t know? What’s a Volta? And what does it have to do with Mars?
R: I don’t know, but do you think the killers used a Velvet Revolver?
M: Velvet Revolver is my favorite weapon of choice… it’s sexy and classic… It’s a good combination.
You know what else is a good combo? Guns and Roses. I believe Stephen King would agree with me on that.
R: Sorry to change the subject, but I need some help with something I’m going to put in my yard. Do you know how to make a Soundgarden?
M: Hmmm, you know, I’ve heard of those but I’ve never installed one myself. Should be awesome once it’s done, though. I’m jealous.
Oh! That reminds me. I went to the ocean the other day and heard this Pearl Jam!
R: I heard that there’s this group called Audio that kidnaps people and sells them off. I don’t know about you, but I would hate to be an Audioslave.
M: Definitely. I’d hate being an Audioslave, too. Too many spoons and black holes for me.
I wouldn’t mind living on E Street though, they’ve got one heck of a Band.
R: I’d stay away from Tom Petty if I were you. I heard he’s got quite the crew of Heartbreakers.
M: I’d heard that too. I’ll do my best to avoid them on my path to Nirvana.
R: You realize that anyone who read all of these would probably think we’re crazy for joking around like this. I’d hate for some psychiatrist to get ahold of these and use them as an excuse to force us into joining an insane clown posse.
M: Wait! You mean you aren’t already part of an Insane Clown Posse? I thought you were. I thought we had that in common… I thought we were … Family
R: Nothing about anything I do is insane….
By the way, have I ever shown you my Alien Ant Farm?
M: No… but you did show me your Spacehog. It was disturbing.
R: I don’t have a Spacehog. I think you’ve taken one too many hits off of the Verve Pipe.
M: You have no proof of that.
I have never…
Maybe that one time. But that wasn’t my fault. The Big Bad Voodoo Daddy put a spell on me! I had no choice!
R: Just remember that in this life you will always be Better Than Ezra, but Less Than Jake
M: U2, my friend. U2.
There’s only one more week to vote for who you think Fiction’s Greatest Assassin is. Be sure to let your voice be heard!