Done More

It was a year ago yesterday when I found out that you were gone. The passage of time has done almost nothing to ease the hurt I feel. I still think about you every day. I still ache every day. I still miss you every day.

While the passing of the last year didn’t take away any of the pain, it did add something to it: guilt.

Even though I knew that the day would come when you’d no longer be with us, I foolishly discarded the notion that it might be any time soon. It was always something that would happen well into the future. It had no place in the here and now. Looking back, I can’t believe I thought that way. Looking back, things that seemed like valid reasons for us not being together now feel like hollow excuses.

I should’ve called more.

I should’ve visited more.

I should’ve done more.

Right now, I’m hearing your voice in my head. It’s telling me not to feel bad. I hear you telling me that no amount of calls or visits would’ve changed what happened.

Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, I feel like I let you down, that you were disappointed with me.

I can’t do anything to change that now, but I promise you one thing: no matter what happens, I will do everything I can to make sure your granddaughter remembers you. I will remind her often of the things the two of you did together. I will tell her over and over that she had the greatest grandmother that this world has ever seen.

I love you, Mom. I miss you so much.

Show and Tell

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted something that wasn’t either part of my Twelfth Knight or Fantasy Football series. Things have been crazy here lately, as I’m sure they have been wherever you are. Most of my time has been spent either at work or at home with my girls. Because of this, I really haven’t been paying much attention to my online friends, with the exception of my writing partner, Matticus.

For that, I’m sorry. I really haven’t meant to close myself off from everyone, but that’s just how things have had to go lately. I hope you won’t hold it against me and, if you want to get in touch with me, just shoot me an email.

To try to get back into the swing of things on here, I’ll relate something that I’ve been holding on to for a little over a month. It happened during Baby E’s last week of school.

Her class ended the school year doing all their work online. For one of their final assignments, her teacher organized a virtual show and tell. In the days leading up to it, whenever I’d ask her what she was going to show, Baby E would shrug her shoulders and say she didn’t know. I would tell her it didn’t matter what she chose. She just had to pick something that she liked.

When I got home from work that day, Mrs. Revis had a big smile on her face when she told me about the show and tell. First of all, she told me that it was a big mess. Kids were talking over each other most of the time in the virtual classroom. Most of them wouldn’t sit still, so they weren’t in the camera shot for a big chunk of the time. After that, she told me what some of the other kids showed.

It was mostly stuff I expected: favorite toys, pets, and a couple even showed off their baby siblings. Then I asked what Baby E showed. My wife’s smile grew. “Your books,” she answered.

I was floored. I couldn’t believe it. Especially when my wife said that Baby E was showing them off with pride. I’m trying to think of a better feeling a father to have than having his child be as openly proud of them like that, but I can’t think of anything. It was the best thing. I honestly don’t know what else I can add to that to convey the swelling my heart did that night.

I hope everyone can have a moment like that at least once in their lives.

Fantasy Football Part 20 — The Matticus Kingdom

This makes 4. Hopefully, this is the last one, but I’m going to go and check for more now. 

 

And, after a slight delay of game, we’re back. Read on to see what happens next with our favorite elven quarterback and the rest of his team. ….. The roar of the crowed was being slowly replaced by a confused hush as a rush of whispers sped around the stadium. It seemed to Plex that […]

via Fantasy Football Part 20 — The Matticus Kingdom

Your Day

I cried yesterday. It’s still not something I’m used to. I’ve shed more tears in the 10 months since you left us than I did in the 30 years before.

I played songs that reminded me of you. I played songs that you liked. They were both helpful and painful at the same time.

I went to the store you used to work at. I talked with a few of your friends and coworkers while I did some shopping.

I held on a little longer than usual to the hugs your granddaughter gave me. She’s like you in a lot of ways. It makes me smile when I see you in her.

It wasn’t easy to go through Mother’s Day without you. I will never get over losing you. I will never forget you. I love you, Mom, and I miss you every day.

I’m Still Here

It’s been a few weeks (hell, pretty close to a month), since I’ve posted on this here blog. It’s not that I don’t want to, but it’s hard to find the time to get on here when you work between 9 and 10 hours a day, six days a week. This week was the first time since my last post that I’ve been able to take 2 days off in a week and, sadly, I feel more worn out coming back from those 2 days off than I did before I took them.

Anyway, I hope you’re all staying safe during this craziness. I also hope that things return to normal soon. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m a little tired of this virus.

Scooby Apocalypse

DC Comics is owned by Warner Bros. Warner Bros. also owns Hanna-Barbera, which made such classics as The Flintstones and The Jetsons. A few years back, DC began a series of titles based on the Hanna-Barbera characters. These titles were different than the cartoons that Hanna-Barbera used to make. They were more mature takes on the old Hanna-Barbera characters.

From what I’ve heard, The Flintstones was about all of Bedrock ostracizing Fred and Wilma, Barney and Betty because they were monogamous couples, which wasn’t exactly a widespread practice back in the caveman days. They did a Snagglepuss series and I heard that it depicted him as a gay man living in the 1950s. I know they did a Jetsons one too, but I never really heard what it was about.

The only one of them that I actually read was based on Scooby Doo. It was called Scooby Apocalypse. The premise of the story was the Scooby characters being in a world that’s part The Walking Dead and part Serenity. Basically, Velma is a super genius and she creates a nanite that is supposed to cure the population of anger and violence (Serenity). Her brothers tinker with her design and release the nanite, which turns almost the entire world population into monsters and forces everyone else to band together to survive (Walking Dead) .

I just read the final issue of the series’ three year run. I’m not going to go into any specifics about the story, but I will tell you that, as a whole, I liked it a lot more than I thought I would. There were some things about the series that I wasn’t a big fan of, such as them making Scrappy a bigger part of the story than I thought they should. They also had some side stories at the end of each issue featuring other Hanna-Barbera characters that I didn’t particularly care for (To anyone from DC Comics that may read this, please note that I give zero shits about Secret Squirrel).

The rest of the story was pretty good. It also helped that there was only one writer over the course of the series. I don’t like it when series switch writers in the middle of a run. That almost never works out.

If you like Scooby Doo and/or apocalypse stories, this series is definitely worth a try.

Almost Three Weeks

It’s been almost three weeks since I last posted on this here blog. I had a feeling that my new job would throw off my posting schedule, but I didn’t think it would do it this much. If nothing else, I expected to be able to scratch out a few minutes on one of my off days, at least, to put something up, but so far I’ve yet to do so.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to get more into the groove of things soon. Maybe I’ll try to set aside some of my break times to writing at least a little something on here once or twice a week.