One can find irony almost everywhere in life. The irony in my life is that the only thing I’ve really felt like writing in the past week or two is a post about how I don’t feel like writing anything.
This is something that actually happened a few months ago. I meant to write it up the night it happened, but something came up (it’s hard to tell what it was at this point) and I forgot about it. Over the course of the past couple of months, I’ve been reminded of it in some way and thought about posting it. As I have yet to do it, you can see how successful I’ve been in that endeavor. But, since I was at the location where this took place today, the story is now firmly entrenched in my brain, ready for the telling.
You see, one of my duties at work involves dropping things off at a number of local pharmacies. I was at one that I don’t normally go to, walking the cargo through the parking lot. Off to the side, I start hearing water hitting the ground. It wasn’t raining, so I was curious. I turned and saw a man walking through the parking lot with a stream of liquid shooting out in front of him. Now that I knew where the sound was coming from, I turned back to what I was doing.
Wait a minute…
Liquid doesn’t normally shoot out of someone as they’re walking in parking lots. I turned back again to investigate. Was this guy emptying out a water bottle as he walked?
This man was walking through the parking lot, with his member hanging out of his zipper, pissing as he went.
That, my friends, is a level of not giving a shit that I have yet to achieve in my lifetime.
I voted. Did you?
It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on this blog with any regularity. There are a few reasons for this.
Life, for one, is the biggest contributor to my lack of posting. Between work and family time, there’s not always enough time to make for writing here. Working an 8 hour shift then coming home to take over teaching duties from Mrs. Revis (along with doing all the other things that need to be done around the house) doesn’t leave much freedom to sit in front of a keyboard. Hell, the only reason I was able to throw my last post together was because it only took me 2 minutes to do it. All I did was use the text predictor on my phone to throw a few random paragraphs together.
Another reason is my offline writing. Almost all of my writing nowadays is on projects that I plan on publishing someday. Most of that writing is done on my phone at work during my breaks and, quite frankly, that takes much longer than it would if I were trying to do it on my computer. You’d think I’d be better at typing on my phone with how much I do it, but I’m still not very good at it.
Since I’m talking about my offline writing, I feel like I should tell you that I am almost finished with the 4th installment of my Declevon Blackmoon series of stories. I’m hoping to have it done and published within the next couple of weeks. I’ll post the details when I know for sure.
Lastly, I’m just not sure what I want to do with this blog. Back when I was posting with some regularity, it was a mix of just about everything: fiction, fandom, sports, life, hypothetical situations, and anything else that invaded my mind. For the past year, or so, it’s mostly been works of fiction with a few other things mixed in here and there. I don’t know if I feel like keeping that trend up, going back to the way it used to be, or maybe trying to think of something new to do.
All I really know for sure is that I’d like to make a point of putting something up here regularly. I don’t know what that’ll be yet, but I’m hoping to be able to carve out enough time to post at least one thing a week. It may not be much, but it will be something. I’ll also do my best to not make a series of nonsensical sentences into a post again like I did a few days ago.
I make no promises, though.
I know that there’s usually a lot of turnover when it comes to getting the job done. It is the most powerful before the weekend. The grief is a little bit more than a few weeks. You can also get a little bit more information about the whole thing.
Please delete redundant information from the game. Don’t forget to take the hamburger out. Have you been drinking a lot more than you can do? Do not have a great weekend. She had a lot to learn from the other side.
Random things that are not the best. This was the first of many. Very much like a plan. Almost as if they waited until they got a call. Because… what?
It was a year ago yesterday when I found out that you were gone. The passage of time has done almost nothing to ease the hurt I feel. I still think about you every day. I still ache every day. I still miss you every day.
While the passing of the last year didn’t take away any of the pain, it did add something to it: guilt.
Even though I knew that the day would come when you’d no longer be with us, I foolishly discarded the notion that it might be any time soon. It was always something that would happen well into the future. It had no place in the here and now. Looking back, I can’t believe I thought that way. Looking back, things that seemed like valid reasons for us not being together now feel like hollow excuses.
I should’ve called more.
I should’ve visited more.
I should’ve done more.
Right now, I’m hearing your voice in my head. It’s telling me not to feel bad. I hear you telling me that no amount of calls or visits would’ve changed what happened.
Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, I feel like I let you down, that you were disappointed with me.
I can’t do anything to change that now, but I promise you one thing: no matter what happens, I will do everything I can to make sure your granddaughter remembers you. I will remind her often of the things the two of you did together. I will tell her over and over that she had the greatest grandmother that this world has ever seen.
I love you, Mom. I miss you so much.