How to Properly Choose Food.

Me: *puts box of Pop Tarts in shopping cart*

Mrs. Revis: Why are you getting those? I thought you didn’t like that flavor.

Me: It’s not that I don’t like them, I just think other flavors are better.

Mrs. Revis: Why don’t you put those back and get a flavor you like better?

Me: Because those other flavors don’t have Batman on them. 

Either/Or

I titled the post that because I wasn’t sure what I should call it. I was torn between two options. It was either going to be called “A Conversation That Shows How Our Minds Work”, or “Proof That Our Minds Don’t Work”. I’ll let you decide.

(Actual lines of email from between Matticus and myself)

Matticus: Flog some Molly, my friend!  They are a lot of fun.  Catching tunes.  Upbeat… in the same vein as The Offspring in some aspects… Kind of punk, kind of pop, … good strong guitar riffs, with the added bonus of an Irish vocalist.  Anyway, I think you’d like them.  Some of their stuff is available on Prime Music if you have that… 

Revis: Who’s Molly and why are they flogging her? And why are they breaking Benjamin too?

M: And what did Ben fold five of?

R: Why are they dropkicking Murphys?

M: I really don’t know. I don’t know why those Lips are Flaming either… 

R: It is a mystery. Just like who exactly it was that God smacked.

M: I will admit, I have always wanted to know the answer to that. Also, I wish I knew what Foo was, and if they had their own Fighters or there were Fighters going after the Foo…

R: According to Robot Chicken ‘Foo’ is anyone that Mr. T called a fool. As in, ,’I pity the foo!” So Grohl and Co. went around beating up anyone who Mr. T said that to. It ended with Mr. T calling himself a fool and the Foo fighters kicking his ass.

I’m still wondering how the Leppard became Def.

M:I hadn’t heard that before!  It’s brilliant!!

And, that poor Leppard.  These things happen sometimes…  Life can be cruel… 

Like… why did all those kids going around Smashing Pumpkins?

R: Damn kids…

And how does one Pilot a Stone Temple?

M: That is a fine question… I … I don’t know the answer to that either.

And, you know what else I’ve been wondering? 

Why are we supposed to be Counting Crows?  What’s with that?

R: A favor for Alex Proyas?

And why do they keep poor Alice in Chains?

M: Honestly, Alice knows why she is in chains, and that’s good enough for me.

I’m not sure why they switched their head out with a radio, though…  I mean, I love music, but I don’t think I’d swap my head for a radio…

R: Doesn’t seem worth the effort.

And how does a deadman have a theory? And what would it be if he has one?

M: Maybe it would have something to do with The Killers? I don’t know.

You know what else I don’t know? What’s a Volta?  And what does it have to do with Mars?

R: I don’t know, but do you think the killers used a Velvet Revolver?

M: Velvet Revolver is my favorite weapon of choice…  it’s sexy and classic… It’s a good combination.

You know what else is a good combo? Guns and Roses. I believe Stephen King would agree with me on that.

R: Sorry to change the subject, but I need some help with something I’m going to put in my yard. Do you know how to make a Soundgarden?

M: Hmmm, you know, I’ve heard of those but I’ve never installed one myself.  Should be awesome once it’s done, though.  I’m jealous.

Oh! That reminds me.  I went to the ocean the other day and heard this Pearl Jam!

R: I heard that there’s this group called Audio that kidnaps people and sells them off. I don’t know about you, but I would hate to be an Audioslave.

M: Definitely.  I’d hate being an Audioslave, too.  Too many spoons and black holes for me.

I wouldn’t mind living on E Street though, they’ve got one heck of a Band.

R: I’d stay away from Tom Petty if I were you. I heard he’s got quite the crew of Heartbreakers.

M: I’d heard that too. I’ll do my best to avoid them on my path to Nirvana.

R: You realize that anyone who read all of these would probably think we’re crazy for joking around like this. I’d hate for some psychiatrist to get ahold of these and use them as an excuse to force us into joining an insane clown posse.

M: Wait!  You mean you aren’t already part of an Insane Clown Posse? I thought you were. I thought we had that in common… I thought we were … Family

R: Nothing about anything I do is insane….

By the way, have I ever shown you my Alien Ant Farm?

M: No… but you did show me your Spacehog. It was disturbing.

R: I don’t have a Spacehog. I think you’ve taken one too many hits off of the Verve Pipe.

M: You have no proof of that.

I have never…

Well…

Okay…

Maybe that one time.  But that wasn’t my fault.  The Big Bad Voodoo Daddy put a spell on me!  I had no choice!

R: Just remember that in this life you will always be Better Than Ezra, but Less Than Jake

M: U2, my friend.  U2.

Wanna Participate?

A while back, I did a post asking for others to help me debate who fiction’s greatest archer was. I asked that anyone who wanted to participate should write a post and link up to my original post. Only two people besides me did it. In retrospect, I realized that what I asked was probably too much work for most people to do. After all, we’re all busy people.

So when Matticus and I started talking about a new Versus matchup, I got the idea to try this idea out again, only this time I won’t be asking you to do an entire post on it.

The topic of this particular Versus episode is: Fiction’s Greatest Assassin.

If you would like to participate, all you need to do is comment your choice and give at least 2 or 3 sentences on why you think your choice is Fiction’s Greatest Assassin. You can go over that if you choose, but 2 or 3 sentences is the goal. Obviously, some of you out there may have the same answer, so whoever comments first will get their name in the future post. I will be waiting until everyone else picks theirs before I choose mine. That way I don’t get first pick by virtue of being able to choose right after I post this.

In a week, I will be taking all of the comments and putting them into that post, along with a poll on the bottom of the page. I will leave that poll up for two weeks and we’ll let the WordPress community decide who they agree with.

Unfortunately, there is no prize for winning, but hopefully you all think this is as fun of an idea as I do.

So, please, take the time to comment on who you think Fiction’s Greatest Assassin is. Also, if you have any questions, let me know.

In Real Life

Our tech room has a chamber in it that has two entrances. One goes through the tech room. The other comes out into my warehouse. Somehow, both of these doors got locked.

My team lead, who got the information from a temp, asked me to double check the door and see if it was indeed locked on my side. I checked and informed him that it was. His response was, “The maintenance guy is the only one with a key and he went home for the day. We really need to get in the room. See if you can pick the lock.”

If I were in a Final Fantasy game, my response would have been “…..”

I realize that in the fantasy worlds I sometimes inhabit I’m a thief/rogue. It would be an easy thing for me to pick a lock there. In the real world, however, not so much. I haven’t used my experience points to upgrade that particular skill here on Earth. It’s not very useful in my life as a warehouse worker/writer/father/husband. 

I didn’t have the slightest clue where to begin, but I told him I’d try. The only tools that I had available to me were a box cutter and a pair of scissors. Now, maybe someone with an aptitude for picking locks could do something with those two things, but all I was really doing was scratching the metal of the door knob.

Of course, about a minute after I started trying to open the door, the maintenance man, who had not gone home, walks in and demands to know what I’m doing. Apparently “failing miserably” was not the answer he wanted to hear. 

So, I had to stand there and be admonished for doing something that I was told to do by my team lead. 

“…..”

My Wedding Reception

In honor of my older brother’s birthday, I’m reblogging this story about him. This story still gets brought up whenever the two of them are together.

33 Grams of Blog

I promised Twindaddy that I wouldn’t post any stories about him doing embarrassing things. After reading this, you may think I’m breaking that promise, but I have two reasons that I believe I’m not. One, he didn’t do the embarrassing thing, it was done to him. And, two, it happened at my wedding reception, so that gives me permission to use it.

Anybody that knows me knows that I don’t drink. Alcohol does not mix well with my medication. Since this was my wedding, however, I decided to make an exception. Plus, while my medication really didn’t give me any side effects, except to occasionally make me drowsy, I didn’t want to chance it clouding up any part of what is now tied for the best day of my life (the other being the day that Baby E was born).

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