The Directive

If you have Hulu, you have access to the movie The Directive. A few months ago, I saw an ad on Facebook about the movie. The premise seemed interesting so I added it to my list to watch at a later date. Last night was that later date and it was definitely not worth the wait.

Here is the description, as posted on Hulu: “In the aftermath of an incurable virus spread, a robot seeking to eradicate humanity deceptively guides a Red Cross survivor to sanctuary with the false hope of his family awaiting in Safe Zone 57.”

Did you read that one sentence? Good. I’ve just saved you two hours of time because that literally describes everything that happens in the movie. That’s it. Almost the whole movie is nothing but the survivor going nuts because of being by himself for so long and then walking towards the safe zone after finding the robot. Other than that, very little happens in this movie.

The sad thing? If they didn’t tell you that the robot was trying to kill the survivor in the description, this movie probably wouldn’t have seemed so bad. If they would’ve kept that one thing a surprise, and hit you with the betrayal at the end? That would’ve made a huge difference. It still wouldn’t have made it a great movie, because it did drag on pretty badly in some places, but it would’ve made it a lot better.

I might’ve even recommended that you watch it if they had worded the description better. I can’t do that now. Just by reading that one sentence, you miss absolutely nothing by not watching the movie.

Catching Up on my Movies

I’m way behind in my movie watching. Between work, fixing up my house, spending time with my girls, and writing, I don’t get a whole lot of movie watching time. I’m also way behind on my TV watching too. I haven’t finished the second season of any of the non-Daredevil Marvel Netflix shows. But, since movies are a lot quicker to watch than seasons full of shows, I figured I’d get some of them out of the way first. Here’s my overall opinions on them.

Needless to say, there will be spoilers here (although, I doubt there are too many people as behind in their movie watching as I am)

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Looking Back: Revenge of the Nerds

Revenge of the Nerds, an 80s comedy set on a college campus. It was filled with everything you’d expect from an 80s movie: horrible clothes, horrible hair, and horrible synthesizer music. It’s a movie that I haven’t watched in probably 15-20 years. Every once in a while, I’ll be reminded of it and it’ll get me thinking.

Back then: Raunchy college comedy about the little guys sticking it to the man.

Now: A bunch of college kids, that should’ve been thrown in jail, get away with multiple crimes.

To be honest, while there were some funny parts in this movie, I was a teenager when I used to watch this movie. That means that I didn’t really care much about the plot, or what happened in it. Why, you ask? Because I was a teenager and there were many boobies shown in this movie.

As an adult….well… I still like looking at boobies,  but they aren’t the sole reason I have for watching something anymore . I actually care about  plots, characters, and stories now. And, looking back on it, the nerds were horrible, horrible people.

While I agree that the jocks and their girlfriends  were complete jackasses for making fun of the nerds, what the nerds did was not only worse, it was illegal. Let’s look at the list: they broke into a sorority house, they stole the girls’ personal property  (their panties), and they set up video cameras in the sorority house’s  showers and bedrooms so they could record the girls naked without their knowledge or consent. Then, they sell these illegally obtained nude images to every horny man on campus.

And these are the heroes of the story?

Let’s also not forget the complete ridiculousness of the head nerd getting the girl. He steals her boyfriend’s mask at a costume event and wears it just long enough to trick her into sex (I’m not sure if that technically qualifies as rape but it’s close enough, if you ask me). What does this girl do when she finds out? Does she beat the crap out of him like she should? Nope. She compliments him. Apparently, in this  girl’s mind, it’s ok to sell her naked image all over campus and trick her into bed, but only if you go down on her.

Ridiculous!

I would wonder why I never noticed this when I watched this back then, but the answer is quite obvious. I was blinded by the boobies… and I still am.

Pissing Off Fanboys

I’m going to say a couple of things that are probably going to upset some fanboys. I don’t care, though. They’re things that I need to say.

The first thing is a hypothetical that deals with the new Star Wars movie. I don’t know what direction they’re taking it in. From what I’ve heard from the guys at work, they’re going to completely ignore the expanded universe. So, none of the novels, comics, or video games happened. That would be 33 grams of suck.

If they decide to keep some of it, however, I have an idea for a scene I’d like to see in the new movie. It is this scene that will probably piss the fanboys off. Continue reading

I’m A Little Confused

Instead of a new episode of Agents of SHIELD this past week, they showed a special called Marvel Studios: Assembling a Universe. In it, they chronicle all of the Avengers movies/shows, starting with Iron Man. They ended the show with previews of the upcoming movies: Captain America 2 (which releases in a couple of weeks) and the second Avengers (which I think releases next summer).

Now, when they talked about some of what happens in the new Cap, I understood it. It all made sense: both as a continuation of the Avengers storyline, plus as just a Captain America story. The part I’m confused about has to do with what they said to expect with The Avengers: Age of Ultron.

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5 Comic Book/Superhero Movies They Need To Make/Remake

Since there have been many of these movies lately, and more on the way, I decided to give my opinion on which ones should be done next. Some of these I want to see done because of my comic book geekery. Some of them I want to see done because…. well, it’d just be awesome.

I’d like to start off by saying that I don’t pay enough attention to movie news to know if any of these are actually in  production or not. For all I know, all 5 of them are filming right now (which would be 33 grams of kick ass). Of course, a couple of these will never be made unless I win the lottery or something. Let’s start off with the first one on my list. Continue reading

Most Quoted Movie

My workplace is filled with a bunch of guys who like to quote movies. We’re all also a bunch of comic book nerds. So, you’d think that the movie we’d quote the most is either one of the Batman movies, or one of the new Marvel movies, or even other geek classics like Star Wars or Star Trek.

If you thought that, you’d be wrong.

The most quoted movie at my work is The Replacements. That’s right. The Replacements.

The reason for that is simple: When we close boxes, we do so with tape from our tape dispenser. The tape comes in large, dry rolls. As it is fed through the dispenser, it runs across a damp area, which makes it wet and activates the glue on it. The glue then gets all over your hand as you’re boxing things up. After a few minutes of this, it makes your hands look like Orlando Jones’ hands in this scene.

So, whenever one of us makes a bunch of boxes (which is an every day thing), we always say “You know this don’t look natural. You know it don’t.”

“Don’t talk.”

“Coach, I look like I just jacked off an elephant.”

That’s my workplace’s most quoted movie. What’s yours?