The Boss watched the replay of the press conference the news ran the following morning and tried not to laugh. They were anointing a man whose superpowers were detachable nipples as the city’s savior. He had been bothered by the last man who practiced vigilantism here, but that buffoon had been dealt with. His criminal career had barely started back then. Now he was the most powerful man in the city. The question now was what to do about the new guy.
This DICO had already foiled one of his jobs. Granted, the two men who he had beaten were just low level thugs. If The Boss was really worried about making sure he killed the shop owner, he would’ve sent better men.
Mayor Poopenmeyer watch the news in disbelief. The lead story was about a homeless man who had managed to take down two of The Boss’s goons. It didn’t seem possible for the man he met in his office earlier that day to accomplish that. True, he was wounded in the fight, but the mayor was shocked he survived at all.
Just as he had thought of a way to spin this story in his favor, the reporter said what DICO’s power was. “Dammit,” he cursed. Mayor Poopenmeyer thought he was finished with ridiculous superheroes, but another one came along. His city was going to be a laughingstock again.
A knock on his office door startled him out of his thoughts. Ralph, the building’s security guard, opened the door. He pointed to the TV and said, “He wants to see yous,” in his strange accent.
Hamman cursed at the missed opportunity. He had tailed Jackson, a rival of his in The Boss’s gang, to his next job. Unnoticed, he was just about to kill Jackson’s mark when the store owner gave away his presence. Jackson managed to save the man he was sent to kill, but at least Hamman was able stall his rival long enough for the man to get away.
After being chased off, Hamman only ran far enough to get out of sight. He took cover behind a mailbox across the street. A million things went through his mind as he tried to figure out what his next move should be. The first thing he needed was more time. Hamman called another fellow gang member and told him to keep the police occupied because Jackson had screwed up the hit.
That’s when he saw the homeless man walk up to the store.
This was supposed to be an easy job. The boss was going to pay him to knock off a store owner that had done something to piss him off. He didn’t know what the store owner had done and he didn’t care. All he cared about was killing the guy so he could get paid.
It started off so promising too. He walked in and his mark didn’t expect a thing. Just as he was about to pull out his gun, one of the boss’ other men showed up and tried to steal the job from him. After a short fire fight, he managed to chase his rival off, but not before the owner got away.
By then, the police had probably been called, so he grabbed the shotgun the owner kept behind the counter and hoped he could convince the cops that he was an employee that had scared off a robber. He was in the middle of tampering with the store’s security cameras, to erase the footage, when he heard the door open. There were no sirens or lights, so he knew that it wasn’t the cops. Thinking that his rival came back, he turned and fired. Imagine his surprise when he sees that it was a homeless man pretending to be a superhero.
Lisa looked out the window and cursed her ex-husband. He had been much more timid and easier to manipulate before he found out about her cheating. Now, instead of cowering before her, he demands paternity tests and says things like, “Lisa being a whore does not, and should not, entitle her to 18 years worth of my money,” in court when he finds out their son isn’t actually his. The worst part was when the judge agreed with him and stopped making him pay child support.
Look at me now, she thought. I’m riding a bus to the grocery store because my sister can’t give me a ride.
In the seat next to her, Jason, her son, giggled. When she turned to ask him what was so funny, she saw that he was staring at the man sitting across the aisle from them. The man was pole thin, wearing clothes that probably stunk and had seen much better days. “Don’t stare,” she scolded her child.
Mayor Poopenmeyer sat behind his desk, going over the latest city council proposal. In truth, he had very little interest in what was written there. After all, who cared about changes to parking zones? For the tenth time that day, he cursed the restrictions that were put on all the office computers. There was candy that needed crushed, but the site was blocked. He also chided himself for leaving his cell phone at home. From now on, he thought to himself, I need to keep a book in here so I have something better to read when I’m bored.
A knock on his office door made him jump slightly. Looking at the clock, he saw that it was still twenty minutes until his next appointment. The Transit Authority representative was never early. Before he could tell the knocker to come in, the door opened, revealing a thin man wearing tattered clothes. All he wanted to do was yell at the vagrant to get out of his office, but he held his tongue, knowing someone with a cell phone camera was probably within earshot.
“Excuse me, Mr. Mayor,” the man said.
It was probably going to be easier to pretend to listen to the man than to try to have him removed, so the mayor replied, “What can I do for you?”
“I’m hoping there’s something I can do for you.”
“And what’s that?
“Well, this city has been without a superhero since Captain Procrastination was killed. I’d like to be the next one.”