A long time ago, in a galaxy that we’re living in, I used to draw comic books. Granted, none of them looked very good. My artistic skills are virtually nonexistent. In truth, they probably would have looked better as stick figures. But, I digest…
When I first started this, I drew them for my coworkers. My original series was started back when I worked in fast food right after high school. It was entitled “The Misadventures of the Roast Beef Workers” (I bet you’ll never be able to guess which fast food restaurant I was working at). I honestly don’t remember much about this one other than the premise of one of the stories. In it, someone pulled the fire alarm and the combination of the fire extinguisher system and the oil in the fryers (which hadn’t been changed in years) caused the food inside of it to come to life. The roast beef workers were forced to fight off walking French fries and chicken tenders.
My second foray into comics was when I worked at Hellmart. This one was entitled “The Misadventures of the Retail Bitchboys” and centered around myself and my coworkers. A few of my coworkers liked it so much that I did a spinoff of it just for them. It was called the “TP Task Force”, where I turned them into a cult that worshipped soft toilet paper. Surprisingly, only one of them took offense to this.
Both of these series were done in the style of Airplane/Mel Brooks movies. It was mostly jokes over top of goofy stories. There were also a lot of jokes thrown in about the horrible art that graced the pages. All in all, they were just me goofing around.
I “published” these books under the name Smoker’s Alley Comics. I don’t remember where the name came from. The only thing I can think of is that I was a smoker at the time. Still, Marvel and DC always had their logo or name somewhere on the cover, so I thought that I should too.
While I had plenty of ideas for new comics for Smoker’s Alley to do, the only one I ever actually drew out was a mini series about an ice powered hero named Freezer Burn. His powers weren’t very original (basically he was Iceman) and, as I learned a few months ago when I looked it up, neither was his name. But, I did like the story, so I have had thoughts about retooling it.
I used to dream about Smoker’s Alley becoming big time. I wanted to turn my stories, like Dead Set or Haunted Angel (a spinoff of Dead Set that explores what happens to Father Michaels after he leaves the pages of Dead Set), into comic books and have them be hits. I hoped that I would be able to find an artist that could put the images I had in my head on paper.
But, alas, I never found my artist. Not that it would have mattered. I knew absolutely nothing about how to go about actually publishing a comic book. Hell, I still don’t. Plus, I wouldn’t have had the money to pay for the printing anyway.
Over the life of this blog, I’ve thought about reviving Smoker’s Alley Comics on here. I’ve thought about actually taking the time to draw out a retooled version of my Freezer Burn story (and obviously giving him a new name). I’ve thought about drawing out a story that I have come up with for my character DICO (Unlike those I’ve posted on this blog, this DICO story would obviously be serious. Well, as serious as it can possibly be when DICO’s superpower is the ability to be able to throw his nipples at people.).
There are reasons that I haven’t done so yet. First and foremost, my drawings would offend actual artists. Yes, they’re that bad.
Second, I’m not sure how I’d be able to do it. Would I hand draw them and then scan them? Would I try to draw them on the computer? Would I be able to fit an entire issue worth of pages into a single post on here? If not, how would I get the issue to the people that want to read it? Would I be able to get them into a file small enough for me to email them?
See? The logistics of it all is baffling.
Once this post a day month is over, I might have the time to attempt this, if enough of you actually want me to do it. Although, if you have any suggestions about how to get this out there, I’m willing to listen.
P.S. Before any of you ask: No, I don’t have any of the old comics that I drew. They got lost or thrown away during one of my many moves since then.