Captain Procrastination: Bombs Away

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Welcome back, dear readers. I know it has been a while since you last heard the exploits of your hero, Captain Procrastination. After what happened with Skidmark and the Multi-Tasker, he decided it would be best if he laid low for a little bit (By laying low, I mean that he’s sleeping 18 hours a day, playing with himself 5 hours a day, then spending the rest of the time eating and pooping… sometimes at the same time). Now that enough time has passed, he’s ready to go out and take on the bad guys again… In other words, his mom is tired of him being in the house 24/7 and threatened to kick him out if he didn’t leave every once in a while). Now, onto the adventure! Continue reading

Captain Procrastination: The End of the Multi-Tasker?

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(Narrator’s Note: I could put a link on here to take you back to the two previous chapters in this story arc, but I refuse to do so. None of you ungrateful bastards has ever thanked me for the job I do. How hard would it be for one of you to say, “Thank you, Narrator. You’ve turned an uninteresting piece of crap into something worth reading.”? It wouldn’t be very hard at all. But, do any of you do it? Noooooooooo. You’re all too busy being giant douch…..)

(Captain Procrastination’s Note: Due to some technical difficulties, our regular narrator will not be able to join us for this episode. Instead, my good friend Dave will join us once again. Now, onto my greatness!!!!) Continue reading

Captain Procrastination: The Enemy of My Enemy‏

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(Narrator’s Note: For those of you who don’t remember what happened in the last episode (and, let’s face it, this is drivel so you probably don’t), click here to refresh your memory. For those of you that do remember….what the hell is wrong with you???) Continue reading

Captain Procrastination: Unexpected Visitor

Here's a logo made for Captain Procrastination by the epically awesome Not Quite Alice. Show her some love, people.

Here’s a logo made for Captain Procrastination by the epically awesome Not Quite Alice. Show her some love, people.

For once, the knocking on his bedroom door didn’t interrupt our hero while he was mastur….uhhh, massaging himself. His mother opened the door to find him sleeping in front of the television. She gently shook his shoulder in an attempt to wake him up. When that didn’t work, she slapped him upside the head.

“Damn it,” he lovingly greeted her when he opened his eyes. “Don’t do that anymore, Mom! I have super powers. I could’ve killed you.” Continue reading

Captain Procrastination: Close Call

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Our hero had spent all day trying to convince the people of his fair city that the Multi-Tasker was evil, but nobody would listen to him (Actually, all he did was tell his mom to send out an email to everyone in his address book. The rest of the day was spent watching porn). Since nothing had come from that, he decided that he had to take matters into his own hands. Over and over in his head, he thought about what he wanted to do, hoping that it would bring this whole thing to its conclusion. The further he got into his thoughts, he happier he was, which led to a swelling of his pride.

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Captain Procrastination: Belly of the Beast

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Our hero looked around for a place to hide, but there was no place. The floor of the warehouse was completely empty except for the 20 Multi-Taskers walking around. With nothing else to do, Captain Procrastination walked openly out onto the floor, hoping that the Multi-Taskers would think he was just another one of them. His plan seemed to be working. None of them paid him the slightest bit of attention.

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Captain Procrastination: Nemesis

Our hero’s plan to publically humiliate the Multi-Tasker backfired. After Captain Procrastination pulled his nemesis’ pants down, the Multi-Tasker’s popularity soared, especially among women, who admired his huge……heroic deed. So far, the only thing that has changed is that now Captain Procrastination was getting calls for work, but they’re not from the mayor. The calls are coming from the mayor’s wife who wants him to pull the Multi-Tasker’s pants down again.

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