This may surprise you, but I actually have a home phone. Yes, they still have those.
We first got it a while ago when my mom was babysitting Baby E. She was very forgetful about her cell phone and we wanted a way to be able to get in touch with her if she forgot it. Now that my mom is no longer babysitting, we thought about getting rid of it, but decided to keep it for two reasons. One, while not necessary, it will be helpful when my wife’s company starts letting her work from home. And, two, due to the bundle we got from our cable company, it’ll actually cost us more to have it turned off than to keep it.
Other than my wife and I, only 3 or 4 people have that number. All of them are related to us in some way. But, none of them ever call it. They always call our cell phones (when they actually take the time to call instead of text). So, our house phone only rings about once every other day or so.
“If nobody you know is calling it, then who is?” you ask.
The answer is simple: telemarketers.
Or, maybe they’re scammers. Hell, I don’t know. All I know is that they’re going to try to get money from me one way or another. And, I know that they’re irritating. Instead of getting mad and yelling at them, however, I thought I’d take a different approach and make the phone call memorable for them.
Last night, my phone rang and I answered it. A lot of these calls are recordings, so I didn’t say anything right away. That’s when the brief conversation happened.
Me: Yeah, hi. I was hoping you could help me with my butt itch.
3 seconds of dead silence
Caller: Excuse me?
Me: Come on, you gotta do something. My butt itches really bad and I can’t get it to stop!
Caller: 3 seconds of muffled laughter
Me: HELP ME!!!!
I think next time I’m going to talk about having a burning sensation on my taint.