Make Someone’s Day Interesting

This may surprise you, but I actually have a home phone. Yes, they still have those.

We first got it a while ago when my mom was babysitting Baby E. She was very forgetful about her cell phone and we wanted a way to be able to get in touch with her if she forgot it. Now that my mom is no longer babysitting, we thought about getting rid of it, but decided to keep it for two reasons. One, while not necessary, it will be helpful when my wife’s company starts letting her work from home. And, two, due to the bundle we got from our cable company, it’ll actually cost us more to have it turned off than to keep it.

Other than my wife and I, only 3 or 4 people have that number. All of them are related to us in some way. But, none of them ever call it. They always call our cell phones (when they actually take the time to call instead of text). So, our house phone only rings about once every other day or so.

“If nobody you know is calling it, then who is?” you ask.

The answer is simple: telemarketers.

Or, maybe they’re scammers. Hell, I don’t know. All I know is that they’re going to try to get money from me one way or another. And, I know that they’re irritating. Instead of getting mad and yelling at them, however, I thought I’d take a different approach and make the phone call memorable for them.

Last night, my phone rang and I answered it. A lot of these calls are recordings, so I didn’t say anything right away. That’s when the brief conversation happened.

Caller: Hello?

Me: Yeah, hi. I was hoping you could help me with my butt itch.

3 seconds of dead silence

Caller: Excuse me?

Me: Come on, you gotta do something. My butt itches really bad and I can’t get it to stop!

Caller: 3 seconds of muffled laughter

Me: HELP ME!!!!


I think next time I’m going to talk about having a burning sensation on my taint.

4 comments on “Make Someone’s Day Interesting

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    Dear Revis, I have a landline too. As usual, this made me laugh. It also gave me ideas.

  2. Here in the UK there have been calls from people pretending to be from “the world wide web” or similar to hack into people’s computers. One of my friends has had them call him at least 3 times. He’s deliberately lead them on a wild goose chase – the first time he played along, but had told them that his operating system is Linux’s Ubuntu, so what they wanted him to do wouldn’t work, the next time he pretended that his computer wasn’t even connected to the internet, and I can’t remember what he did the third time. My uncle also got a similar call and thought on his feet – the person on the other end was making out that it was to do a security update, and so my uncle played along and then said something along the lines of it was important that his computer was secure because of working for MI5. So if you get one of those, you could always pretend to be an FBI employee! The longer you keep them on the phone, the less time they have to hoax other people… Which makes your day fun too. 😀

    • We had one person call my wife’s cell phone saying they worked for the state and if we didn’t give them money, they’d call the police. I took the phone from her and told them to go ahead and call. Shockingly, no police ever came.

Revis "......."

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s