Either/Or

I titled the post that because I wasn’t sure what I should call it. I was torn between two options. It was either going to be called “A Conversation That Shows How Our Minds Work”, or “Proof That Our Minds Don’t Work”. I’ll let you decide.

(Actual lines of email from between Matticus and myself)

Matticus: Flog some Molly, my friend!  They are a lot of fun.  Catching tunes.  Upbeat… in the same vein as The Offspring in some aspects… Kind of punk, kind of pop, … good strong guitar riffs, with the added bonus of an Irish vocalist.  Anyway, I think you’d like them.  Some of their stuff is available on Prime Music if you have that… 

Revis: Who’s Molly and why are they flogging her? And why are they breaking Benjamin too?

M: And what did Ben fold five of?

R: Why are they dropkicking Murphys?

M: I really don’t know. I don’t know why those Lips are Flaming either… 

R: It is a mystery. Just like who exactly it was that God smacked.

M: I will admit, I have always wanted to know the answer to that. Also, I wish I knew what Foo was, and if they had their own Fighters or there were Fighters going after the Foo…

R: According to Robot Chicken ‘Foo’ is anyone that Mr. T called a fool. As in, ,’I pity the foo!” So Grohl and Co. went around beating up anyone who Mr. T said that to. It ended with Mr. T calling himself a fool and the Foo fighters kicking his ass.

I’m still wondering how the Leppard became Def.

M:I hadn’t heard that before!  It’s brilliant!!

And, that poor Leppard.  These things happen sometimes…  Life can be cruel… 

Like… why did all those kids going around Smashing Pumpkins?

R: Damn kids…

And how does one Pilot a Stone Temple?

M: That is a fine question… I … I don’t know the answer to that either.

And, you know what else I’ve been wondering? 

Why are we supposed to be Counting Crows?  What’s with that?

R: A favor for Alex Proyas?

And why do they keep poor Alice in Chains?

M: Honestly, Alice knows why she is in chains, and that’s good enough for me.

I’m not sure why they switched their head out with a radio, though…  I mean, I love music, but I don’t think I’d swap my head for a radio…

R: Doesn’t seem worth the effort.

And how does a deadman have a theory? And what would it be if he has one?

M: Maybe it would have something to do with The Killers? I don’t know.

You know what else I don’t know? What’s a Volta?  And what does it have to do with Mars?

R: I don’t know, but do you think the killers used a Velvet Revolver?

M: Velvet Revolver is my favorite weapon of choice…  it’s sexy and classic… It’s a good combination.

You know what else is a good combo? Guns and Roses. I believe Stephen King would agree with me on that.

R: Sorry to change the subject, but I need some help with something I’m going to put in my yard. Do you know how to make a Soundgarden?

M: Hmmm, you know, I’ve heard of those but I’ve never installed one myself.  Should be awesome once it’s done, though.  I’m jealous.

Oh! That reminds me.  I went to the ocean the other day and heard this Pearl Jam!

R: I heard that there’s this group called Audio that kidnaps people and sells them off. I don’t know about you, but I would hate to be an Audioslave.

M: Definitely.  I’d hate being an Audioslave, too.  Too many spoons and black holes for me.

I wouldn’t mind living on E Street though, they’ve got one heck of a Band.

R: I’d stay away from Tom Petty if I were you. I heard he’s got quite the crew of Heartbreakers.

M: I’d heard that too. I’ll do my best to avoid them on my path to Nirvana.

R: You realize that anyone who read all of these would probably think we’re crazy for joking around like this. I’d hate for some psychiatrist to get ahold of these and use them as an excuse to force us into joining an insane clown posse.

M: Wait!  You mean you aren’t already part of an Insane Clown Posse? I thought you were. I thought we had that in common… I thought we were … Family

R: Nothing about anything I do is insane….

By the way, have I ever shown you my Alien Ant Farm?

M: No… but you did show me your Spacehog. It was disturbing.

R: I don’t have a Spacehog. I think you’ve taken one too many hits off of the Verve Pipe.

M: You have no proof of that.

I have never…

Well…

Okay…

Maybe that one time.  But that wasn’t my fault.  The Big Bad Voodoo Daddy put a spell on me!  I had no choice!

R: Just remember that in this life you will always be Better Than Ezra, but Less Than Jake

M: U2, my friend.  U2.

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6 comments on “Either/Or

  1. That was epic. Nicely done, Revis & Matticus! That may have been The Cure to my mood tonight, a bit of Lovesong to the music industry to lift my spirits. 😉

  2. Daydreams says:

    I’m sensing a theme here…
    (This is amazing.)

  3. djmatticus says:

    Reblogged this on The Matticus Kingdom and commented:

    Read this. Laugh. Share.
    Spread the joy that is music and silliness.

Revis "......."

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