What the Hell, Marvel?

While catching up on things that I  missed out on during my break from reading comic books, I came across a title on Marvel Unlimited called Uncanny X-Force. It had a few characters in it that I liked (Deadpool, Wolverine, and Archangel) and a couple that I didn’t really  care about one way or the other  (Psylocke and Fantomex).

The reason I’m asking “What the hell?” is because of a running story thread that is present throughout both runs of this book. It’s not a main story, just a side story involving the two that I didn’t really care about and their relationship. 

When the first run started, Psylocke was actually involved with Archangel. Then, at around issue 15 or so, Archangel went nuts abd tried to become the next Apocalypse. In order to stop him, they wiped Archangel’s mind clean. Since he no longer knew who she was, Psylocke took that as a sign that they were no longer together. 

Fantomex, this entire time, had been crushing on her pretty hard. He even hit on her a few times until she made it clear that she wasn’t interested. 

Now, I’m not sure whether or not Fantomex is a mutant. Regardless, his powers are creating illusions inside of people’s minds. He also has something that, while not a power, is a characteristic that becomes important later in the story: He has three separate minds living inside of his head. The three minds are, first, his own (Fantomex), second, a feminine mind  (Cluster), and third, a dark side (Weapon XIII). Somehow these three minds functioned together correctly, and as a bonus, made it hard for telepaths to read his mind.

Anyway, towards the end of the first run, Psylocke started having feelings for Fantomex. This escalated in the second to last issue in the 35 issue first run. In issue 34, Fantomex sacrificed himself so the Psylocke could live. Since this is a comic book, and nobody stays dead forever, they revived him in the very next issue. They put his body into a machine that brought him back, but when it did, it split the three different minds into three different bodies. Weapon XIII ran off, but the other two went home, taking Psylocke to meet their mother and the run ended with Fantomex and Psylocke seeming to live happily ever after. 

Cut to the start of the second run and where it gets pretty messed up.

Psylocke has left him. In a series of flashbacks, you find out that he’s kind of a douche. Psylocke then discovers that all the sweet things that he did for her in the first run  were actually coming from when Cluster was in control of the Fantomex body. So, naturally, the two women then hook up. Also naturally,  he catches his girlfriend sleeping with the female version of himself (That’s a hell of a sentence).

Fantomex gets jealous and sets her up to get arrested by police in Paris. She gets out of the trap and when she gets back to the house they all share, she discovers that not only is she sleeping with both Fantomex and Cluster, they’re also sleeping with each other. 

Let that sink in for a minute.

He’s sleeping with a female version of himself. 

So, basically, she’s cheating on her boyfriend with her boyfriend, and he’s cheating on her with himself. 

WTF Marvel?

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Weapon XIII shows back up, kidnaps Psylocke , and tries to win her back for himself. She says no and escapes. Then, Fantomex and Cluster try to talk her into some weird 3way relationship. She says no to them and then they offer to all go back into one body just so she’ll be with them again.

I don’t know what happens next because I stopped reading there. Seriously, WTF was that all about? Am I the only one who thinks that this story line is convoluted, creepy, and weird?


8 comments on “What the Hell, Marvel?

  1. MishaBurnett says:

    Yeah, pretty much anything in the popular media about dissociation is going to be bullshit.

  2. djmatticus says:

    My only thought is that the movies ate so popular they are trying to do things to make sure the books still have an audience. ..? As they say, there’s a fine line between genius and insanity. Seems like they for it wrong here.

  3. The Hook says:

    What’s Marvel feeding their writers these days… crack?

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