George Carlin had this bit called “A list of people who ought to be killed”. In it, he’d talk about people who did things to annoy him and come up with imaginative ways for them to die. It was George Carlin, so it worked for him. I thought most of it was funny.
I, however, can’t pull off something like that. Despite how badly someone annoys me, I can’t wish death upon them. I may wish for them to get a bad itch in their butt crack while they’re talking to someone they hope to impress, but that’s beside the point.
There are people out there that I don’t like to be around. That’s life. You’re not going to like everyone you meet and not everyone you meet is going to like you. That’s just the way it is.
Recently, I’ve come across someone who has come the closest to making me question whether I should add someone to George Carlin’s list. It makes me feel bad saying that, because he’s actually a nice guy, but he is, by far, the most annoying person I’ve ever met.
First of all, he has almost the same voice as Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade. That, in itself, is kind of annoying. When you add in that all he does with that voice is ask questions, it’s exponentially more annoying.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t normally have a problem with people asking questions. That’s how we learn. And, since I have been training him at work, it’s to be expected. However, he asks me questions that he should already know the answer to…repeatedly…all day long.
And answering one of his questions is an ordeal, because after you answer it, he’ll repeat back what you said in the form of a question. You’ll confirm that you, in fact, did say that. Then, he’ll ask you the same question, only this time, it’ll be slightly different. It’s still the same question. He just changed a couple of the words.
For example: Our warehouse has two trash compactors. One is for cardboard (so we can recycle it) and the other is for the rest of the trash. One day we had a bunch of boxes that had packing materials in them. He asked me what he should do with them.
Me: Empty the packing material into the regular dumpster and throw the boxes into the cardboard dumpster. (Pretty straightforward, right?)
Sling Blade: So, you want me to dump what’s in the boxes out into the normal dumpster and throw the boxes themselves into the cardboard one?
Sling Blade: Ok, so I should put the trash inside the boxes into the dumpster, but throw the boxes where the cardboard goes?
Me: (angrily) Yes.
Sling Blade: So….
The sad part is, I’m not making any of that up. That was an actual conversation. And he kept going afterwards. He must’ve found three other ways to repeat that back to me before I finally just walked away.
This isn’t a rare occurrence either. That is every single conversation you have with him. Talking to him is like playing 20 Questions with somebody and they use all 20 questions to ask the same thing. And, also like 20 questions, nobody really wins. It’s just a big waste of time.
I don’t like saying that I hate somebody, especially someone who is a nice person, but I hate being around this guy. If I wasn’t already on blood pressure medicine, he would cause me to have to start taking it.