For the most part, Mrs Revis and I have gotten our new house unpacked and in order. There are still a few minor items here and there, but overall we’re pretty much finished. This is a very good thing because that’s almost all we’ve been doing on our weekends since we moved in and it would be nice to finally be able to relax on my days off.
This past weekend, while doing the unpacking thing, I came across an SD card somewhere in the house (although now I can’t remember exactly where). I didn’t recognize it, but I’ve had so many of those things over the years that it wouldn’t surprise me that I forgot what one of mine looked like. I put it on the desk next to the computer and decided to look at what was on it later, when I had time. On Monday night, I had time.
Picking it up, I looked it over before I put it in the computer. When I first found it I just glanced at it. If I would’ve paid more attention, I would’ve seen the first strange thing about it. It was an 8 MB card. No, that’s not a typo. It was an 8 megabyte SD card, not an 8 gigabyte SD card.
For those of you who don’t know, that means it’s an incredibly old card. Like one of the first SD cards you could buy kind of old.
I knew right then that it wasn’t mine.
I didn’t even know SD cards existed until they were in the 128-256 MB range. Even then, the smallest one I ever had was a 64 MB card that someone I worked with gave me to transfer text documents back and forth between computers.
So, I put it in to see what, if anything, was on them. There was a folder, so I opened it. This revealed two more folders. One was named with a bunch of letters. The other had Canon in it. It was a camera card. I opened the Canon folder and it had two files in it. The first one was a file that my computer couldn’t open. The next one was a video file.
After I opened the video, the first thing that graced my screen was a shot of a naked woman.
I froze. A part of me was focusing on the screen (after all, I am a guy and there were boobies up there), but most of my brain was screaming, “Who the hell is that woman and what the hell is she doing naked on my computer?”
Before I could begin to try to answer either of those questions, a deep voice from off sceen (which I’m guessing belongs to a guy who is operating the camera) says something unintelligible. That’s when the camera moved off the woman sitting on the bed and found a second woman walking naked across the room.
What is going on here???? And, seriously, where the hell did this thing come from????
Most of the rest of the minute long video is the guy holding the camera moving back and forth between them, incredibly out of focus. Basically, it looked like an outtake video from a homemade porno.
Tuesday night, I told my wife about it since she was already asleep when I first looked at it. (I can hear the guys out there hollering, “Why would you tell your wife about it? You found free porn!” I told her for a few reasons. One: I really do want to know where this card came from and she may have seen the card before, which she hadn’t. Two: The video kind of sucked. Three: While the women in the video were not unattractive, neither of them qualified for an account at the Spank Bank, if you know what I mean.)
Unfortunately, that left us still wondering where the hell the damn card came from. Both of my brothers have lived with me since those cards came out, so I suppose it could belong to one of them and got mixed into my stuff somewhere along the way. I find that explanation to be highly unlikely, though. The voice on the video didn’t sound like either of them. While I couldn’t understand what was said, I still heard the voice fairly clearly.
The only other thing I can think of is that the card was left in the house by a person who lived there before us. This seems to be the most likely explanation, but because I can’t remember where I found it, I guess we’ll never know for sure.
Either way, it doesn’t matter anymore. I erased the card and trashed it.
I can hear the guys screaming at me again. “Why would you delete anything that had naked women on it?”
Well, for the same reason as both the second and third one I listed before. Plus, if there was a video of me naked out there, and a random person happened to find it, I’d want them to delete it too.
Besides, a Google image search of the word boobies would probably yield me better results than anything on that video.