The New Hero In Town

Mayor Poopenmeyer sat behind his desk, going over the latest city council proposal. In truth, he had very little interest in what was written there. After all, who cared about changes to parking zones? For the tenth time that day, he cursed the restrictions that were put on all the office computers. There was candy that needed crushed, but the site was blocked. He also chided himself for leaving his cell phone at home. From now on, he thought to himself, I need to keep a book in here so I have something better to read when I’m bored.

A knock on his office door made him jump slightly. Looking at the clock, he saw that it was still twenty minutes until his next appointment. The Transit Authority representative was never early. Before he could tell the knocker to come in, the door opened, revealing a thin man wearing tattered clothes. All he wanted to do was yell at the vagrant to get out of his office, but he held his tongue, knowing someone with a cell phone camera was probably within earshot.

“Excuse me, Mr. Mayor,” the man said.

It was probably going to be easier to pretend to listen to the man than to try to have him removed, so the mayor replied, “What can I do for you?”

“I’m hoping there’s something I can do for you.”

“And what’s that?

“Well, this city has been without a superhero since Captain Procrastination was killed. I’d like to be the next one.”

“Are you serious?”

“Of course I am.”

“You’re a superhero? And what do they call you? Holey Clothing Man? Get out of here.”

“I can be the hero this town needs.”

“We don’t need another superhero here. Captain Procrastination made us a laughingstock. There were hamster cages that had a better superhero than we did. Hell, none of the big name super villains would even come here because they didn’t want to be associated with him. Do you know how much that cost me in bribe money?”

“Captain Procrastination and Skidmark were the failures of the program that gave us all our powers. I am the success.”

“You have powers,” Mayor Poopenmeyer asked skeptically, looking at the man more closely. The man shifted, causing the mayor to notice something in one of the shirt’s holes. “Are you cold?”

With a sigh, the man answered, “Yes, I have powers and, no, I’m not cold.”

“Are you sure you’re not cold, because it looks like your nip… You know what? Never mind. What’s your name?”


“What kind of name is Dico?”

“It’s an acronym.”

“An acronym?”

“You don’t know what an acronym is?”

“I’m a politician. Thinking can only hurt me with voters. If they wanted smart people, they wouldn’t have voted in the people that are in office now.”

“Google it.”

Kicking his desk leg, Mayor Poopenmeyer whined, “I can’t. They blocked Google too.”

“It’s not important anyway. What matters is that I can do good for the citizens of this city.”

“I tell you what, Dico, I’ll give you 24 hours. If you can get yourself on TV for stopping a crime, I’ll let you be the city’s new superhero.”

“Thank you, Mr. Mayor,” Dico said excitedly, stepping forward to shake his hand.

“I’ll pass on the handshake,” the mayor declined.


“No, I just don’t want to touch you.”

“Fair enough. I’ll see you after I get on the news.”

Dico turned and walked out of the mayor’s office, closing the door behind him. The mayor briefly wondered what an acronym was again. He put it out of his mind. He doubted he would ever see that man again, anyway.


15 comments on “The New Hero In Town

  1. I googled. Now I’m confused. Doesn’t help that it tried to correct it to disco!!

  2. bardictale says:

    Interesting. One question: why does the mayor want supervillains? That’s a lot of damage (==unhappy voters)

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    I saw poopy in my email and couldnt stop laughing. I saw you come througb my email and couldn’t stop thinking yay! Can’t wait cor the rest. DICO…hmmm.

  4. […] Procrastination (my off the wall, goofy one that was never meant to be taken seriously), and DICO (which is a little bit of both, although more ridiculous than serious). Two of the story ideas I […]

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