I haven’t done a Random Thought of the Day post in a while. Today’s version will have a theme. I will be addressing certain places or things, giving my opinion on them. Let’s start off with one I think I’ve said before, but I can’t remember so I’m going to say it again.
By the way, I spend all day shipping packages all over the country so a lot of these have to do with city names.
- Dear Toyota, Yaris is not something you name a car. Yaris is something you name a sexually transmitted disease. Every time I see a commercial talking about people getting a Yaris, I think to myself, “I hope they make an antibiotic for that.”
- Dear California, City of Industry? You couldn’t name it simply Industry, or Industry City? It had to be City of Industry? That’s the most pretentious name for a city that I have ever heard. To make matters worse, it sucks to have to type that in. From now on, I’m just going to type Industry and, if they don’t like it, they can kiss my ass.
- Dear Washington, what the hell is Puyallup? That’s not the name of a city. That’s what’s left in the box after a game of Scrabble. If that’s how you’re going to start naming cities, I can’t wait to ship something to Xucziqug.
- Dear Pennsylvania, Hermitage Road? Really? Let me explain something to you: Cities do not get named after roads. Roads get named after cities. Get it right next time, jackasses.
- Dear Iggy Azelea, your song Fancy is the worst thing in the history of music. The beat is annoying. Your voice is annoying. The entire thing is 33 grams of suck to the infinite power. I hope you, and everyone else who worked on the song, contract gonorrhea and burn in hell for all eternity.
- Dear Eli Manning, SHAVE! That is all.
- Dear CBS, you had three different CSIs. Now, you have three different NCISs. What other shows are you going to do this for? Blue Bloods? Big Brother? Survivor? I can’t wait to see Big Bang Theory: Tokyo.
That’s all I can think of for now. I may need to start writing these down so I stop forgetting them and making these post so much easier.