Are you ready for some fighting between fictional characters (I’ll pause here so everyone can play that scene in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, where Ben Affleck stretches out the words ‘fictional characters’ while trying to explain something to Jay, in their heads. Everyone done? Good. Time to move on)? It’s going to be good. Did you bring your popcorn?
…..you didn’t? Well then, what the hell am I supposed to snack on while writing this? Nevermind. I’ll figure something out.
Anyways, Round One’s matchup is inspired by bardictale. The matchup is actually not one of the two that was submitted, but a combination of one from each of them. Hopefully, bardictale likes this one just as much as the originals.
ROUND ONE: YODA (STAR WARS) VS. SARUMAN (LORD OF THE RINGS)
The original submissions were: Yoda vs. Gandalf and Saruman vs. Voldemort. There are reasons I didn’t do these. First, I had already used Gandalf in Episode 2 of Versus, so he’s out. Second, I’ve never read any of the Harry Potter books and I’ve only seen the first movie, so Voldemort is out. That left Yoda vs. Saruman.
As I said when Gandalf had his matchup, reading the Lord of the Rings books was not a pleasant experience for me, so I will be basing Saruman on Christopher Lee’s portrayal of him in the movies. All during Fellowship, and for most of The Two Towers, Saruman looked unbeatable. He was able to beat the crap out of Gandalf easily in the first movie. He was able to cause avalanches from hundreds of miles away. Then, he used his magic to create the Uruk-hai.
Suddenly, as soon as Gandalf changes from Grey to White, Saruman starts losing his power, which leads to Gandalf forcing him out of King Théoden’s head. Finally, the Ents flood the area around his castle, which somehow takes all of the rest of his power. I still don’t understand that part…
Yoda is the ultimate Jedi. He is considered the best lightsaber fighter. Apparently, until Anakin came along anyways, he had the highest midichlorian count. Plus he pretty much made most of the decisions for the entire Jedi Council.
Yet, for all his power and wisdom, Yoda was unable to realize Palpatine’s douchiness. Plus, he’s also somehow not able to figure out how to talk like everyone else.
So, who wins?
Easy. It’s Yoda. Even when he’s old and feeble, he’s still able to use the Force. Saruman loses his power when his tower get touched by water. Seriously, what the fuck is that about?
ROUND TWO: BETTER PARANORMAL INVESTIGATORS, MULDER AND SCULLY (THE X-FILES) VS. THE GHOSTBUSTERS
When asking this question at work, I had to explain what I meant by “better paranormal investigator” to one of the guys. Basically, this means: If weird, unexplainable crap suddenly started happening around you, who are you going to call? (His answer was that he’d call the brothers from Supernatural. I was then forced to smack the back of his head, because they weren’t one of the choices.)
The Ghostbusters have a lot of things going for them here. They have a catchy theme song. They’re definitely cooler than Mulder and Scully, because they have Bill Murray. Plus, despite their goofiness, they’re good at what they do. Does that mean that they win this round?
No. Granted, if I knew for sure that the weird, unexplainable crap was caused by ghosts, I’d be calling them for sure. If I was unsure of the source, however, I’d be calling Mulder and Scully.
While the Ghostbusters only busted ghosts, the X-Files team took on anything and everything. They took on aliens, werewolves, and just about anything else you could think of. Plus, they also dealt with ghosts.
So, because of their diversity, I’m going to go with Mulder and Scully here.
That’s it for this episode folks. Do you agree with me? Disagree with me? Let me know in the comments.
If you have an idea for a matchup that you’d like to see me do, please leave it in the form below.