Welcome to the eighth episode of Versus.
Hmmm. That word never looks spelled right. I’m tempted to make one of my matchups the word ‘eighth’ vs. a spellchecker. Since that would be a fairly boring fight, I’m going to go with something else instead.
Whenever you hear about a spy vs. spy matchup, unless it’s in MAD magazine, it is always Bourne vs. Bond. While that would be an epic showdown, there’s a spy that kind of gets left out of the discussion. The reason for this is because his second movie was 33 grams of suck. If you take that movie out of the equation, however, he stacks up pretty well.
ROUND 1: JAMES BOND (DANIEL CRAIG’S VERSION) VS. ETHAN HUNT (TOM CRUISE, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE SERIES)
For the purposes of this matchup, I’m only including Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace for Bond (as I have not yet seen Skyfall… which I should be doing soon, I hope). For Hunt, I will only be including the first and third Mission: Impossible movies. As I said, the second one is a horrible piece of crap (which is not Ethan Hunt’s fault) and I have not yet seen Ghost Protocol (another one I hope to be seeing soon).
I must also tell you that the reason I chose Bond over Bourne is that Bourne is more of a lone wolf than the other two. Sure, he has Marie, Landy, and Nikki help him, but it’s always only with information. He does all the actual work himself. Bond has Q, M, Leiter, and Mathis doing things for him, along with his Bond Girls. Hunt has his IMF team helping him out as well.
Now that I’ve got the explanation out of the way, let’s get on to the matchup.
This one is interesting. Am I going to decide it based on fighting ability? If so, then Bond has the edge here, I think. While both are even in their ability to use guns, Bond would kick the crap out of Hunt in a fist fight.
Am I going to decide it on which one is a better spy? In that case, Hunt has the edge. Bond’s take on spying is beating someone until they talk, or just killing them and looking through their things. Hunt can get the info without anyone even knowing he was there in the first place.
I guess the fairest way to decide this one is which one is a better combination of both. Therefore, I have to declare James Bond the victor in this matchup. While Bond’s method of spying isn’t always effective, his fighting ability masks that deficiency.
ROUND 2: BETTER BRITISH ZOMBIE KILLER, SHAUN (SIMON PEGG, SHAUN OF THE DEAD) VS. JIM (CILLIAN MURPHY, 28 DAYS LATER)
These two actually had similar beginnings. They had a hard time adjusting to life with the undead, but, by the end, they were kicking lots of ass.
I know that Shaun of the Dead was more of a comedy than a serious zombie killing movie, but I honestly think that Shaun has the edge here. Jim really only killed one zombie, and it was a little boy zombie at that. He did go all kick ass on those army guys at the end, but this is about killing zombies, not army guys.
Shaun, on the other hand, kicked quite a bit of zombie ass. He bashed them on the head, shot them, and even broke records over their heads. Would he have been able to do what Jim did against all those army guys? Probably not. However, he still wins this round because he kicked more zombie ass than Jim did.
That’s it for this episode folks. Do you agree with me? Disagree with me? Let me know in the comments.
If you have an idea for a matchup that you’d like to see me do, please leave it in the form below.