Having Ears Is Sometimes A Bad Thing

Yesterday, at work, I was doing my normal thing. I was boxing up radios and shipping them off to idiotic car dealerships all over this nation. During most of that time, however, I was also contemplating cutting my ears off. For the last four or five hours I was there, they were being cruelly, and unusually, punished.


The tech room where they repair the radios is right next to the shipping room. Normally, the techs wear headphones when they test play the music. For some reason, yesterday they didn’t.

I can’t really blame the techs. They don’t choose the CDs that they use. They’re supplied by the company that manufactures the radios. So, I will be blaming those assholes because I had to put up with the most horrible music imaginable for over half a work day.

There were many things wrong with the music. One, it was a Celine Dion song. Two, it was the Titanic song. Three, IT WAS THE FUCKING CELINE DION TITANIC SONG FOR HOURS ON END!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only good part of it was that it was an instrumental version, which means I didn’t have to hear her voice. Unfortunately, it was a weird instrumental version. It didn’t sound like any instrument I had ever heard before. It sounded like a violin crossed with bagpipes.

It was 33 grams of torture. I might have to start taking ear plugs into work with me from now on….


62 comments on “Having Ears Is Sometimes A Bad Thing

  1. BrainRants says:

    I shouldn’t “like” this, because I’d have opened about five veins simply to end the torture. I think they used Celine at Guantanamo…

  2. Elyse says:

    Earplugs would work. So would homicide.

    I had an office mate who had a CD with the songs I hate most in the world. The first song was “You light up my life” the second was “I never promised you a rose garden.” I don’t know how, but I managed to not kill her. Barely. Someone else probably has by now, though.

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    I can’t like this because my fucking like feature isn’t working. I’ve heard that version and it is awful. Your poor ears.

  4. Steph says:

    When my daughter was about three, she would get mad and yell, “Well! Your ears are all gone!” Now, that’s a major insult in the family, and we hurl it about with abandon. I never thought I’d see the day when it would be a good thing for your ears to be all gone.

  5. List of X says:

    Either it really was the instrumental version, or the damage to your ears was worse than you think…

  6. I pity your poor soul and those of the techs, for you have been to hell and back! I can’t dare imagine what it would be, if it were Justine Bieber / One Direction / this guy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iq_d8VSM0nw) (they are all in the same category to me) !
    God forbid something like that happens to anyone, EVER!

  7. bardictale says:

    Cutting off your ears won’t help, since it’s the holes on the side of your head that do the actual hearing. So, don’t disfigure yourself.
    That being said, can’t they test the music with just any disc? Or turn down the volume so that you can listen to your own music?

  8. How is poor Celine going to feel if she stumbles across this post? It’s going to wreck her day, I can tell you that. You’re so insensitive.

    @bardictale: That’s an excellent point and one that made coffee come out of my nose.

  9. Violipipes. They are the newest annoying thing to happen to music since auto tune and One Direction.

  10. Twindaddy says:

    This is cruel and unusual. Surely this violates some sort of labor law.

  11. The Cutter says:

    How do you feel about the scene in The 40 Year-Old Virgin where Paul Rudd complains about listening to Michael McDonald all day?

  12. Here’s a present for you. 😉

  13. El Guapo says:

    I sincerely feel your pain. I was once in a locked room forced to listen to Crocodile Rock again and again and again.
    And again.
    And again.
    For hours.

    It was years until I could hear an Elton John song on the radio and not savagely stab at the tuning buttons to change the station.

  14. Don’t hate me, but that song mostly gets me emotional. Just the thought of all those people dying… Damn…
    But to hear it over and over again, yes, that’s torture. I hope you didn’t get brain damage?

  15. benzeknees says:

    What do you have against Celine Dion? I can understand not wanting to listen to her sing for hours on end, but this was an instrumental version! No singing! By Celine Dion or anyone else! Take a small does of Celine Dion & call me in the morning!

  16. I guess it wasn’t playing on a continual loop if they were testing machines. Which makes it worse. If it had been on a loop, you’d have probably been able to tune it out eventually.

    I suspect they were as peeved at the song choice as you and wanted to share the pain.

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