Versus: Episode 1

Welcome to the first of what, I’m hoping, will be a weekly feature here on 33 Grams of Blog (Although, with my schedule it might end up being closer to 10 days than 7) called Versus. This is going to be my version of The Deadliest Warrior, except it’ll be fictional characters instead of historical figures, and it won’t always be about fighting ability.

I plan on having two matchups per post, so it might go something like this: Round 1 is who would win in a fight between Batman and Captain America (I wouldn’t actually do that one, as it has already been done in comic books. I’m just using it as an example)? Round 2 might be who is a better crime solving duo: Castle and Beckett, or Sherlock Holmes and Watson?

Most of these are queries put forth by either myself, or the other comic book/movie loving nerds I work with. I’m hoping that some of you will help me out with some ideas as well. At the bottom of the page, I’m going to put a form so you can submit any ideas for matchups that you might have.

Please note: The outcomes of these contests will be based solely on my personal opinion. This is not to be taken as fact.

I would like to know your opinion on them, as well. Whether you agree with me, or not, let me know what you think about each matchup in the comments. Here we go with round 1.

ROUND 1: JOHN MCCLANE (BRUCE WILLIS, DIE HARD SERIES) VS. JOHN RAMBO (SYLVESTER STALLONE, RAMBO SERIES)?

None of the guys at work have been able to answer this one for me. I’m having a hard time coming up with an answer too. I think I know the reason for that: the two characters are polar opposites. The things that each of them are good at would cancel out what the other is good at.

Rambo is careful, methodical: He plans, he sets traps, and makes the most use out of the terrain around him.

John McClane has basically been winging it through 5 films. All he does is improvise, making the best out of whatever situation he’s in.

Even if John McClane did fall into one of Rambo’s traps, he might be able to improvise his way out. And, vice versa, Rambo might be too careful to get sucked into whatever scheme McClane pulled out of his ass.

Another problem is that the outcome would depend largely on the terrain. In a forest or jungle, Rambo would have a definite advantage. In a city environment, I’d say John McClane would have an edge.

If I had to pick one (which I do, because those are the rules I made up), I’d have to go with John McClane winning this one. No matter how much you plan, something is always going to go wrong, so it’s how you’re able to adapt that would be the difference between life and death. John McClane is better at adapting.

ROUND 2: WORSE MINIONS, COBRA SOLDIERS (G.I. JOE) OR STORMTROOPERS (STAR WARS)?

“Revis, how can you say that Stormtroopers are bad minions? Your brother is a Stormtrooper.”

Yes, I know this. That’s why I can say that Stormtroopers are bad minions. Except for my brother, all of the other Stormtroopers suck at life. I’ve spent a lot of time watching them, and all I’ve ever seen is them do everything wrong and miss 99.9% of what they shoot at.

But, are they worse minions that the regular Cobra soldiers?

No, they’re not. While Stormtroopers screw up 99.9% of the time, regular Cobra Soldiers (the ones without names) screw up 100% of the time. A guy at work said that, according to Wikipedia, there were only around 250 G.I. Joes. I remember seeing a cartoon when I was little that showed thousands of Cobra soldiers. They outnumber the G.I. Joes by thousands, yet they still can’t help Cobra Commander take over the world. Even if G.I. Joe had the 250 best fighters in the world, Cobra still should’ve been able to win through sheer numbers.

At least Stormtroopers can say they’ve injured Princess Leia. All a Cobra soldier has ever done is be a waste of oxygen.

That’s it for now, everyone. Don’t forget to let your opinion be known in the comments. Also, if you have a matchup you’d like to see me do, be sure and send it to me.

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13 comments on “Versus: Episode 1

  1. NotAPunkRocker says:

    I agree with both of the conclusions you reached. Great idea, now I just need to think of one to submit!

  2. 1jaded1 says:

    This is awesome! I agree on both counts. Improvise, adapt, and overcome.

  3. djmatticus says:

    I feel like Rambo would have taken McClane because he was good at improvising and setting traps. He had the benefit of additional military training and real life battle experience…

    Submitted a couple good ones and a couple silly ones. Hope you like at least one of them to use for a future versus.

    • I never said Rambo wasn’t good at improvising (they just didn’t show him doing it all that much), I just said that McClane was better at it. Plus, Bruce Willis > Sylvester Stallone …. although that probably shouldn’t come into the equation….

      • djmatticus says:

        Well you’ve got me there. Bruce Willis is definitely > Sylvester Stallone. You make valid points. Perhaps we will just have to disagree on this one, though. Because any guy had can figure out how to survive in the woods, and create weapons to fight back with has to trump a disgruntled cop with terrible luck.

  4. Twindaddy says:

    Hey! We hit some of the ewoks, too! That ruled! We also slaughtered those Jawas that sold R2 and 3PO to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru. And we totally, um, and the we….uhhhhh. Damn, most of my fellow soldiers are a lousy shot, eh?

    And to prove your point, I first submitted this in the email form up there. I haven’t had enough coffeh yet, though. In my defense. Sigh…

  5. bardictale says:

    Yeah, cobra minions…I think there was a buy one get 10000 free. Never made much sense to me how they could be so lame.
    I mean, the stormtroopers were all clones, so if the original was (a bit) defective, it makes sense they were so lame. Not to mention, they were mass produced. What excuse do the cobra have? Bad food?

    (Love you TD. You’re special, not to be grouped with the others. So don’t be too insulted, ‘kay?)

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