Both Ends of the Spectrum

On most nights, things go just one way. Things will either be cool, or they will suck, all the way through. Maybe it’s different for you, but for me, that’s how it goes. Some nights, however, are like a roller coaster, with wild ups and downs. I had a night like that last week. The only thing was, on this night, there was only one up and one down. The up was so awesome and the down was so crappy.

My wife and I were laying in bed, with Baby E asleep between us. We were watching Family Feud on GSN (if you haven’t seen the Steve Harvey episodes of Family Feud, you’re missing out. They’re very entertaining). As I was watching, I was doing what everyone does when they watch game shows: I was playing along.

It gets to be the end, when he asks five questions in a row, and after he reads the third question, the awesome thing happened. The question was: Name something in your house that has a crack in it. They always say that you should answer with the first thing that pops into your head. So, I answered, “My ass.”

Right after I said that, just as Mrs. Revis is about to shake her head at me, Baby E starts laughing…..in her sleep.

I know it’s not what I said that made her laugh, but the timing of it was so perfect. My wife and I had to stop ourselves from laughing because we didn’t want to wake her up. We got ourselves under control and we all went to sleep. That’s when the crappiness happened.

At 5 in the morning, I’m awakened by Mrs. Revis. She said she needed help with Baby E. Baby E had just got done throwing up. It’s bad enough when they drink formula and spit it up, but she’s on solid foods now, so it was twice as unpleasant to clean. After I cleaned it up, and Mrs. Revis got done changing her and cleaning it off of her, Baby E looked so miserable. I hate it when she’s like that. When your child is sick, it hurts because you will do anything to make them feel better, but you know that there’s nothing you can do to make them feel better. I’m pretty sure that one of the levels in Hell is like that.

So, to sum up, the night started off as 33 grams of awesome, but ended up being 33 grams of suck.

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32 comments on “Both Ends of the Spectrum

  1. At least she baby E knows she has parents that love her and take care of her. That’s something (Zoe)

  2. If it helps I paused to laugh by myself in the middle , and my mother contemplated her daughter.

  3. BrainRants says:

    I’d say this is a win, even though the end-sum is zero. Babies always puke, and E will incessantly until she leaves home in about 18 years. The laugh, though, you’ll always have.

  4. 1jaded1 says:

    Ha! I knew your answer was going to be ass…that would have been mine, too. I’m sorry Baby E was sick though, and i hope she is better.

  5. rarasaur says:

    I hope Baby E feels better soon! I mostly have rollercoaster moments like this post… rarely an all-suck or all-awesome day. I sort of like it. It puts things in perspective. 🙂

  6. bardictale says:

    Hope Baby E feels better. At least she had a good dream beforehand^^

  7. El Guapo says:

    Hey, at least you got the full gamut of human experience in the comfort of your own home.
    I usually have to go downtown for that.
    And pay extra.

    Hope Baby E is feeling better!

  8. Kids grow… and then they have to clean up their own barf.

  9. bf and I always watch the Steve Harvey Family Feud too!
    Except my answer to all the questions is “my bf’s penis”.
    It’s amazing how many questions that this answer usually pertains to his member!

    Hope baby E is feeling better!

    • I do something similar to Baby E’s cartoons. All of the kids’ shows now have their characters ask questions to the audience. Whenever they do, my answer to all of their questions is, “Your mama.” It’s amazing how many that actually works with, too.
      “What animal says ‘moo’?”
      “Your mama.”

  10. The Hook says:

    “So, to sum up, the night started off as 33 grams of awesome, but ended up being 33 grams of suck.”
    What is there to say?
    Awesome!

  11. djmatticus says:

    I hope Baby E is feeling better. :-/

  12. Glad that Baby E is feeling better. At least you got some amusement out of the evening – first with her laughing and then in the way you write about her barfing over everything.

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