In my house, there is a routine. For the most part, the same thing happens every night, the only thing that’s different is the times. The routine is this: I will stay up as long as I can after my wife falls asleep. That way, if Baby E wakes up, I can get her while Mrs. Revis catches at least a few hours of rest. After I go to sleep, Mrs. Revis will wake up with Baby E, if she wakes up, that way I can get some sleep before I have to go to work in the morning. Granted, it’s not a perfect set-up, but we work with what we’ve got.
Last night, everything was going as it normally did. My wife had been asleep for a little while (about an hour, hour and a half) and I was done watching something on NFL Network. I brought up the guide on the DIRECTV and started looking through the listings on the movie channels for something to watch. Off to the side, I hear my daughter’s voice through the baby monitor as she starts to cry. At first, it’s not very loud, so I took my time. I set the remote down on the bed and looked at my wife to make sure that Baby E didn’t wake her up. She didn’t. When I looked back up, I saw something on the TV that I was not expecting to see…….
Saved By The Bell boobies, to be exact, as I had apparently hit the button to change the channel to one that was playing Showgirls.
I momentarily froze. After all, I am a man and there were boobies on the TV. I had to look for at least a few seconds. It was during that few seconds, however, that my daughter decided she didn’t like how long I was taking and started crying at the top of her lungs. This time, my wife did wake up. She bolted upright almost immediately. Normally, when she wakes up to the baby crying, she’ll look over at me to see if I’m awake. Instead of looking at me, though, she looked right at the TV….to see boobies.
I panicked. Only knowing a few channels by heart, I frantically put the first one that came to mind in (Although, in retrospect, all I really needed to do is hit the previous button and it would’ve taken me back to the NFL Network). I waited for the channel to switch to ESPN for what seemed like minutes, though it was only a couple of seconds. Once it did, I put the remote down and went running to get Baby E.
I picked my daughter up and tried to get her to go back to sleep, but she wouldn’t do it. So, I brought her back into my bedroom so she could lay down on the bed with me and Mrs. Revis until she went back to sleep. As I walked back into the bedroom, I was glad to see that Mrs. Revis had fallen back asleep. After laying down in the bed for five minutes, Baby E fell back asleep as well, so I put her back into her bed. At this point, I decided it was probably best for me to go to sleep.
When I woke up this morning, I was expecting to have my wife say something to me about the Showgirls incident, but to her credit, she didn’t. I’m sure that would’ve been an awkward conversation because it’s not like anyone can claim to watch that movie for the acting or the writing. If you’ve seen that movie, you know that there were none of either in it (Yes, I must admit that when the movie first came out, I did watch it. All you heard about that movie beforehand was that the Saved By The Bell chick got naked in it. Out of sheer curiosity, I had to see if she actually did).
Of course, she might not have even remembered waking up and seeing that. I might have just outed myself (if she reads this). Oh well. I had to tell you all. It was funny. After she reads this, she’ll probably just roll her eyes, look at me, and say, “You’re crazy”.