Metallica and Lesbians (that’ll bring in the readers)

I was playing around on Facebook yesterday when I came across this, which is a note posted by Sac-Town, my friend from the Pass the Pipe story. This is his account of what happened back in 2009 when we went to a Metallica concert together. All I did to this was change my real name to Revis. The rest is all him. Enjoy.

Metallica was AWESOME! A ton of old stuff including, but not limited to: Whiplash, Fight Fire with Fire, Seek and Destroy, MASTER OF EFFING PUPPETS, One, Nothing Else Matters, Unforgiven, and of course Enter Sandman.  Only 1 song between Load, Re-load, and St. Anger (Fuel). A bunch from the new one, but I like the new one a lot so I was cool with it.  And they did their queen cover (stone cold crazy). It was great. 

So Revis and I show up just for Metallica (just Metallica, missed on purpose: Lamb of God and whoever else).  We find our seats and there’s a natural redhead standing in front of our seats. I walk up and I’m like hey these are our seat and she takes a picture of me… I was like wtf?  And then she wanted a pic of Revis and I together.  Anyway, taking tons of pictures, really touchy feely, the drunk chick in your face talk. You know what I mean. Where she at any moment could slip you some tongue or vomit on your Etnies.  

After a while… her girlfriend walks up.  So we’re talking to both of them just about whatever the redhead was blabbing on about and I tried to include her gf, but the gf obviously wears the rubber shaped… yeah… and hates me because mines not rubber… so I was getting tired of them and ready for Metallica to start when the following exchange occurs:

Me: So you two… you’re uh, full-time? 

RH: Well she is, I’m not. I’m getting ready to start working from home, she is a- 

Me: I didn’t mean work necessarily… 

RH: OH! HA! That’s good, I like that! Yeah we both are. 

Me: Cool, how long you been a couple? 

RH: 8 years  

Revis chimes in with the line of the night…

Wait for it

Wait for it….. 

Revis: How long is that in lesbian years? 

Five awkward minutes later Metallica comes out.  w00t!


31 comments on “Metallica and Lesbians (that’ll bring in the readers)

  1. BrainRants says:

    You made me aspirate coffee, after I spit the other half all over my monitor.

  2. Hahahahaha! Lesbian years. I love it!

  3. djmatticus says:

    Revis: zombie killing rogue ninja and knight of the matticus kingdom, plus, perhaps, the funniest person alive.

  4. Animockery says:

    That is a damn hilarious story! I love Metallica even to this day. I had the privilege of seeing them live in Madison too. I am curious how others got into the band or found them. For me it was after my brother left for the Navy, I really looked up to him. It was only natural that I inherited his Ride the Lightening CD and t-shirt. (original shirt not a re-print.) I thought it was awesome and it opened my world to all sorts of music.

    • I didn’t get into Metallica until high school, which was the black album. Before then, my dad pretty much controlled everything I listened to, so it was all oldies…..which blew.

  5. Damn, Alice stole my comment!

    I’m so going to have to use that at somepoint, hopefully tho’ at a time that’s not hideously inappropriate (ie when I’m in habit, although that might make it more funny)…

  6. The Hook says:

    Heavy metal and heavy licking? A winning combination!

  7. The Hook says:

    “How long is that in lesbian years? ”
    Brilliantly wrong!

  8. stephrogers says:

    Life is full of constant surprises, one of which is how you escaped with your genitals intact!

  9. 1jaded1 says:

    So glad I read this AFTER work. Gonna be in a good mood on the drive home no matter how much traffic.

  10. No answer. No middle finger, either. Just awkward silence.

  11. […] of the Left 4 Dead games every night for at least a couple of hours. The 4 man squad included me, Sac-Town ,  one of my two brothers (usually my younger brother), and either Sac-Town’s younger brother […]

  12. […] of Mormons dropped by his house. I shared with you his account of what happened during one of the Metallica concerts we went to. These are just a few of our adventures together. Maybe some day I’ll tell you a […]

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