Dave sat on his couch and watched TV. He had been doing this for 12 hours now and was starting to grow bored. Although he wanted to get up and start moving around, he couldn’t. When your arms and legs are tied together, all you can do is sit there. Looking over at his end table, he could see that the counter on the bomb was down to less than 5 minutes. He hoped our hero would get there soon.
It was two weeks ago when Dave first met Captain Procrastination. Dave’s boss, Mr. Johnson, did something vile and heinous. It was something so bad that it shouldn’t happen to anyone. In this narrator’s opinion, it should be considered a war crime. He put Dave on a deadline….the dirty bastard.
After that, our hero showed up and……wait a minute. Why am I recapping that story? You should’ve already read it. Shame on you if you haven’t! And no, I will not be providing you with a link to go back to it. I shouldn’t have to do all the work for you. And what’s with that hair of yours? Did the 80’s make a comeback?
All eyes went to our hero as he made his grand entrance. “Stop mocking the audience, Narrator!”
“Because if you piss them off and they stop reading this, we’re out of jobs!”
Our hero made his grand entrance into Dave’s apartment in front of a lovely audience, who smells really nice tonight, by the way. Dave, excited that Captain Procrastination was there, shouted, “It’s about time. Get that bomb out of here!”
There was only 45 seconds left before it went off, not enough time to disarm it. Captain Procrastination grabbed the bomb and ran out of the apartment. He returned 10 seconds later. “Where’d you take it,” Dave asked.
“Oh, I dropped it off next to that building where all those little people hang out. You know? That place where they have all those yellow buses?”
“You just put a bomb next to a school?”
“Yeah. You can thank me later,” our hero said as he untied Dave.
“Go get that bomb away from the school! RIGHT NOW!”
“Fine….if you’re going to whine about it….”
Dave pulled off the ropes and rubbed his wrists, shaking his head as Captain Procrastination left again. He returned another 10 seconds later. “I dropped it in the middle of the river this time. Are you happy now?”
“The last time I checked, heroes don’t blow up children, you tool.” Then, he pointed behind Captain Procrastination and shouted, “Look out!”
When our hero turned to look, Dave shot him in the ass with a taser and that was the last thing Captain Procrastination remembered.