More Trouble Finding The Right Words

twindaddy posted last week about not knowing what to say to a daughter at her mother’s funeral. I’m now in a similar position at work. The younger security guard, who I called Devin in a previous story, told me last week that she was pregnant. This week, she has missed the first two days so far. On Monday, we were told she was sick. Yesterday, before lunch, we were told that she was still sick. Yesterday, after lunch, we were told the real reason she was out: she had a miscarriage.

I can’t even begin to imagine what she’s going through. We were told by our supervisor not to say anything to her about it until she started talking to us about it, which makes sense. I don’t want her to talk about it before she’s ready, but this is kind of an unusual situation for me to be in. My wife is pregnant. Of course, I’m not going to start talking about that in front of her right away, but I don’t want to be talking to someone else about my wife’s pregnancy and have her accidentally overhear me and become upset. Eventually, as my wife gets closer to having our little girl, it’s going to become harder not to talk about it.

I don’t know what to say to her, or how to act around her without her thinking it’s a facade to keep her mind off of what just happened to her.

This entry was posted in Life.

5 comments on “More Trouble Finding The Right Words

  1. Elyse says:

    Just tell her you’re sorry for her news. It’s always nice to be acknowledged

  2. I agree with Elyse. I wouldn’t ignore it… that can be mistaken for not caring. And, you obviously do care or you wouldn’t be trying to figure out ways to not hurt her. Having suffered the loss of two unborn babies myself, I can tell you that nothing you say can help with the loss of life… and, yet saying anything will help her to know she’s cared about and not alone. Sometimes, simply telling someone that you DON’T know what to say at this time can at least give her the comfort of knowing you do care about what she’s going though. You may even want to let her know your situation and that you’re in no way wanting to upset her with your own good news. My heart goes out to her.

    • Thank you both for your suggestions. Fortunately, she knew my wife was pregnant before she found out she was, so I don’t have to tell her this news after what she went through. I know that there isn’t some magical thing for me to say that will make her feel better, because such a phrase doesn’t exist. I just hope I can avoid saying or doing anything that might make it worse for her.

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