As you might have noticed, I haven’t written a post about Newb in a while. This is because a few weeks ago, he let me borrow a few bucks and I promised not to blog about him until he did something so stupid I had to say something. Today, was that day. I have to set it up first, however.
When I first started my Newb bashing, we were working at the same station (we work at seperate ones now). Some of the computer monitors had those command hooks on them (the ones you see commercials for that say they are easy to remove from walls without damaging the paint). The work we do is kind of monotonous, so to break it up one day, I handed him one of those hooks. He asked me why. I told him that, even if he had all the money in the world, that was the only hooker he could ever get.
Today, I found another one of the hooks. This hook had a bunch of dirt on the white adhesive part. Since I was needing a break, I took it over to Newb. As I handed it to him, I said, “One of your hookers has a wiping problem. Either that, or she got really drunk and shit herself.”
He laughed as he tore most of the adhesive off. When he handed it back to me, there was a small spot of the adhesive left on it. “Great, now you left her with a piece of toilet paper sticking out of her ass,” I scolded.
He responded, “Or a tampon.”
I was unsure how to respond to such idiocy, so it took me a few seconds. “Tampons don’t go up girls’ asses,” I was finally able to say.
“I’m not a girl, so how should I know?”
“I”m not a girl either, but I knew where tampons went long before I was your age.”
“I was just joking,” he said, without much conviction.
“No, you weren’t. Jokes are funny. That was pure, uncut stupidity.”
“I was joking,” he pleaded.
“Nope. It’s going on the blog.”