My Day at the Doctor

Notice how I said “day” at the doctor? Not “appointment”, not “visit”, but “day”. Normally my doctor’s appointments only take an hour or an hour-and-a-half. Yesterday, however, I was there all f’n day. My appointment was at 3. I left at 7:15. This caused me multiple problems, and I’ll explain.

I was supposed to be at work at 2:30. I told them a week ago that I would be late because of my visit to the doctor, not expecting it to take as long as it did. As I also had to pick up a prescription before I went in, because of how long they took, the earliest I could get there would be 8. I called them and explained the situation. They gave me crap about it, but told me it wasn’t worth me coming in for the 3 hours remaining in the shift. I wasn’t expecting to be that late and it wasn’t my fault that it took that f’n long.

As soon as I walked into the doctor’s office, the receptionist asked my name. I told them. She looked at her list and said I wasn’t on it. I explained that I made the appointment at my last visit because I need to be seen every 30 days to get pain pills for my bad back. It’s been 30 days. She asked me if I had my appointment card with me. I didn’t. I had left it at home, as I’ve never needed to bring it with me before. She said she would write me into their schedule and told me to have a seat.

The waiting room is packed, so I find a seat that’s the furthest away from the other people there. I’m only sitting there for 5 minutes when some lady to my right starts talking loudly on her cell phone. I tried to block it out, but this lady was talking too loudly. She’s on a rant that I couldn’t believe she was talking about in public. This retard was telling the person on the other end that when she beats her kids that it hurts her more than them because it causes pain in her back. She then goes on to complain that because someone called the state on her, she can no longer touch her children when they’re fighting or she’ll get in trouble. Good. I hope you do get in trouble, bitch. You shouldn’t be beating your kids in the first place.

After listening to her for 20 minutes, her voice is drowned out by the guy a few chairs down from me, who is singing along to his iPod. This guy’s voice is about as pleasant to listen to as getting kicked in the crotch is to feel. He sings for about 15 minutes until, thankfully, he falls asleep. After being asleep for a few minutes, he starts to snore… very loudly. At this point, I’m very uncomfortable. I have a stupid bitch talking in one ear, and some douche snoring in the other.

I was also uncomfortable because sometimes when I go to the doctor, I have to take a piss test to ensure I’m not taking anything that the doctor doesn’t want me to take. Ok, fine. Whatever. I didn’t go before I left because I knew if I did, they’d make me take one and I wouldn’t be able to piss. Unfortunately, with the wait they made me go through, it was getting harder and harder to hold it. I walk up to the counter and ask if I need to take one, because, if not, I was going to go. She goes back to ask someone and, when she comes back, informs me that I would be taking one. Great.

At this point it’s 5:30, so I text a guy at work to let him know what’s going on and to have him tell my supervisor that I’ll be there as soon as I can. 6:00 comes around, and I’m still not called back. Then 6:30. By this time, I’ve been sitting in their incredibly uncomfortable waiting room chairs for so long that my back is killing me, so I get up and walk around. The only other person in the waiting room is a guy who is waiting on his wife to come out.

A nurse sees me pacing and asks if I was waiting to be seen still. I roll my eyes and say I was. Did she really think I was sitting out there all that time just for the hell of it? I tell her my name and she informs me I wasn’t written into their schedule. They f’n forgot about me!

A male nurse pulls me back, and while he’s weighing me (one of the two good things about this trip was that I found out I’ve lost 10 pounds since my last visit), he asks me how I’m doing. I give him a look that tells him what a stupid question that was to ask me. He lets it drop and pulls me into a room. He asks me why I’m there. I tell him that all I needed was my prescription. Then, he informs me that my normal doctor (the one I was supposed to see) was already gone for the day and I had to see another guy. By now, I don’t care who I see as long as I get my prescription.

The doctor walks in (I had seen this guy a couple of times before, so at least I knew he knew a little bit about my history) and he apologizes for the wait. He asks a few mundane questions, then asks me to remind him where my back pain is located. I tell him. He proceeds to dig his finger into my back (right where I told him I was hurting) and asks, “Right there?” No, not right there, asshole. I just jumped and screamed because you missed the spot. Then, without apologizing for causing me a lot of pain, he leaves the room and tells me the nurse will bring me my prescription. A minute later, he walks by the door with his coat on and his briefcase in his hand. This asshole was getting to leave before I was!

The nurse walked in a few seconds later, hands me my prescription, and, without actually saying it, tells me to get out. No piss test. I still really have to piss, but because they want to go home, I have to hold it for a little bit longer. I was finally able to go, about 10 minutes later, when I got to the pharmacy. This is when I called work and explained the situation.

“You work second shift and didn’t get a morning appointment,” was the question I was sarcastically asked when I talked to them. I tried, but they said 3 was the only opening they had. I have no choice on the date, either. I have to go every 30 days. Legally, they can’t give me a new prescription before then and if I go after, I’ll run out and be in too much pain to work anyways.

So, I go home and the second good thing happened. I got to spend the rest of the night with my wife.

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